Only You Can Heal Me
by demented bunny
Summary: A lost and hurt Edward is sent to therapy by his worried family. There he meets a broken Bella.Can she help heal him? Can they help heal eachother? canon pairings r&r. First chapter is Edwards pov. All human.
1. Human Nature

**So I got this idea and just decided to run with it. First chapter doesn't really explain much but it's more of an introduction then any thing else.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**_Sometimes it is the quiet observer who sees the most._ **_**Kathryn L. Nelson, Pemberley Manor, 2006.** _

I walked slowly into the cafeteria, unwillingly.

I walked straight to an empty table opting to skip lunch and sat, revelling in the solitude.

Nobody joined me, they never did. I didn't know if I preferred it this way or not.

My family sat three tables away laughing and joking together, I would have expected this sight to evoke some sort of emotion within me, but it didn't.

Perhaps I was just so withdrawn into myself I could no longer even recognise my own feelings. Perhaps they were there and I just couldn't tell.

They invited me to join them every day, but I never did.

Perhaps it was from sitting here, seeing them together they looked so perfect, so complete. Even with the people I called family I didn't fit in, I was a blemish on the picture perfect image.

There were five of us, all adopted. I had been adopted first, and then Emmett followed by Alice and then Rosalie and her twin brother Jasper.

Though I had been adopted first I was the outsider the one who didn't fit into my otherwise jigsaw puzzle family.

I didn't really understand why that was, I loved my family or at least I thought I did. Truly I didn't know, I felt numb, lost almost. I couldn't even decipher my own adoptive parents Carlisle and Esme took in troubled youths. In the hopes that they would be able to help them heal.

It had worked to some extent. My brothers and sisters were happy or at the very least, content.

But me? I didn't really know. I would catch various members of my family giving me these looks, worried, anxious glances.

I had overheard on several occasions Esme and Carlisle talking about whether to bring me to therapy. I suppose they chose not to because they couldn't quite put there finger on what exactly is wrong with me. It's not like I lash out, or show any common physical signs that would lead one to think I had 'issues'.

Really I was just a bit of a recluse. I kept to myself and didn't talk much.

So perhaps that was putting a bit of a spin on things. Really I didn't communicate at all to anyone outside my family or ever initiate contact. I couldn't remember the last time I had any form of physical contact with anyone. I didn't desire it.

Truthfully I couldn't bear to be around people. I had seen enough of the world to know that there was very rarely any good in people.

Human nature both fascinated and terrified was why I preferred to observe people rather then involve myself.

Perhaps it was more then just a fascination perhaps an obsession.

And what I had discovered was that there was little good, Human nature both fascinated and terrified me.

My first foster home sent me back after only two weeks, I had scared them. I had watched constantly, observing every little thing, silently.

And what I had discovered was that there was little good, that human nature was made up of relatively negative features. Vanity, greed, selfishness. But what made it all exponentially worse was that there was no one to blame. These things were natural. We could not help it.

So I searched perhaps in vain, for some good.

**Review please. Let me know if you want me to continue.**

**XxXx**


	2. The Cullen Children

**So I decided to continue this story because you guys liked it and because I've got tons of ideas for it.**

**I was originally going to just do this in the one pov or in just Edwards and Bella's but I decided that in order to fully see the extent of both Edward and Bella's problems you have to hear of other peoples opinions of what's happening too, though I will probably just mostly do Edward and Bella's.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight nor do I own Edward though I wish I did.**

_**Family isn't about whose blood you have. It's about who you care about.**__**Trey Parker and Matt Stone**_

**ALICE POV**

I skipped lightly into the bright living room, plopping myself down beside my brother Emmett, who was playing some game with Jasper.

I watched them zap at some monsters for a moment, before my other brother Edward walked past us, heading in the direction of the stairs and to I'm sure the sanctuary that was his room.

"Hello Edward", I called out to him in a somewhat sing song voice.

He didn't turn his head, merely nodding in acknowledgement before continuing on to the stairs.

I sighed. It was the same every time, whenever I tried to get some response out of him, at least something more then a silent nod, he brushed me off.

I took guilty solace in the fact that it wasn't just me, he did it to everyone.

"I heard Esme and Carlisle talking again last night", Jasper said, staring at the stairs Edward had just ascended.

"About what?", Emmett grunted, never taking his eyes off the tv screen.

"Therapy", Jasper said.

I stared down at my black stilettos; biting back the protests I knew were fighting to escape my mouth.

"What kind of therapy?", I asked, I had to.

"Not that kind of therapy Alice", Jasper said staring at me, trying to get me to meet his eyes. I couldn't, I was afraid that if I did, I would cry. I didn't want anyone to see my tears, let alone Jasper.

"They just want to make sure he has somebody to talk to", Jasper said quietly.

"He can talk to us", I replied stubbornly, at Jaspers incredulous expression I whispered "why won't he talk to us?".

Emmett paused his game and turned to me, as I sighed softly

My brother was broken, he needed help. But he wouldn't let us in, I felt so helpless.

"Do you think he knows, I mean about the therapy?", Emmett asked, worry etched into his voice.

"Probably, he always knows everything", Rosalie said bitterly as she came down the stairs "it's creepy almost, it's like he's constantly watching and analysing everything everyone does", she said shuddering slightly.

I took in Rosalie's appearance quickly, hoping she wouldn't catch me.

She looked much healthier then when she and Jasper had first come. Her previously sunken cheeks were filling out and her skin was no longer stretched as tight across her body. Her eyes which before had been bulging with purplish bruises underneath were healthy looking with a pretty sparkle to them. Her bones were no longer sticking out at odd angles and threatening to protrude her skin. And her skin which had been pale and sickly looking had a fresh glow to it. Indeed Rosalie was healing, not healed completely but certainly healing.

She patted my back gently as she passed me to go sit in the leather recliner.

Rosalie was a good sister, despite how difficult she had been in the beginning and then, when coupled with Jasper, life had been near unbearable. I had enjoyed going to school for once. It was an escape.

I stared at the stairs. We were healing, all of us. None of us were healed but we were getting there.

But Edward, he wasn't healed and he wasn't healing. Edward was trapped.

In the beginning we were all trapped, unable to find a balance.

Me; I was trapped in the future, too painful to look back, too undecided to stay in the present. So I stayed in the future, and it worked… for a while. I made plans, I looked forward, I refused to look back.

But as they say all things in moderation, I eventually became trapped. Trapped in the future, I couldn't look back so I couldn't move on. I couldn't stay in the present because I couldn't stand the unknown.

But when I came here Esme and Carlisle helped me.

They made me remember and they made me forget my plans. They taught me to remember the past, live in the present and to merely indulge in the future.

It didn't stop my dreams but it taught me not to live life through my dreams, not to live life through the future.

The others, I'm not so sure. Jasper and Rosalie certainly were living in the past, trapped there. They still retreat there often but it's less often than before.

Rosalie and I share a room and I remember her telling me that I talk in my sleep, that I talk about my dreams, of the future.

She told me that once and only once did I ever speak of the past, of what had happened in that so called therapy my mother had sent me to.

Rosalie had told me that I had began screaming, screaming in remembrance of the pain I had suffered, of the torture I had undergone in those 'treatments'.

I shuddered delicately, I hated those memories, I hated reliving them.

Rosalie had told me that once and only once did I ever speak of the past in my sleep. I wish I could say the same for her.

I'm not a deep sleeper, so countless times I have awoken to Rosalie's mutterings. She never screamed like I did, she never even cried, she was too strong for that.

I have laid there and listened to her go into excruciating detail of what those vile men did to her. She had described them tearing her clothes off. Laying there filthy paws all over her body. I had sobbed silently into my pillow. Sobbed for Rosalie, sobbed for her pain, sobbed for her stolen innocence.

Once she had spoken of what Jasper had done to those men once he had found out what they had done to his beloved sister.

The police never found out who did it. I doubt there was enough left of the men to ever find them. So Jasper was never punished for there disappearance.

But Jasper was doing better now; he was handling his anger better. I had always wondered how the two had managed to cope.

They had lost their parents young to a car accident and had gone to live with their grandmother, but she was old and couldn't handle them, so they were brought here, to us.

Emmett, Emmett was different; he had grown up in a trailer park with three young brothers and two sisters. His mother had been typical trailer trash.

Emmett was a good guy and he would do anything for the people he loved. So when his mother had ran out on them, he had turned to crime for the cash to feed his brothers and sisters, often going without food himself so they could eat.

I guess he got in with the wrong crowd, because yes Emmett was different from us, he wasn't trapped in the past or the present; Emmett was trapped in his addiction.

I never really found out what happened after Emmett became addicted to drugs, all I knew was that the money ran dry and Emmett had no choice but to let social services take his younger brothers and sisters away and hope they would find good homes. He was only fifteen at the time.

But Emmett had been determined to kick the habit and he did, he was still tempted at times but he had never looked back.

But Edward, Edward was another story. I was trapped in the future, Rosalie and Jasper were trapped in the past and Emmett was trapped in his addiction.

But Edward was and still is, trapped in the present. It's worse for him, he won't look back and there's nothing to look forward to. So he's trapped, I suppose in limbo. He can't go back and he can't go forward.

He hardly spoke, unless absolutely necessary. I had wondered at first if it was just that he had nothing to say, but his eyes had a strange spark of intelligence, It made me sure that he had plenty to say, he just wouldn't.

My brother needed help and if I couldn't help him someone else had to.

We were all healing, Edward needed to heal too.

So I voiced my thoughts and said what I'm sure was the last thing anyone was expecting me to say;

"I think therapy is a great idea".

**Review please and tell me if you liked it, was it a little too out there? Was Jasper a little too crazy? Let me know.**

**Also I will be going into further detail with every Cullen child's problem, this was just the basis.**

**Well anyway hope you liked it.**

**Review please.**


	3. Bella's Introduction

**So this is the introduction to Bella, it's pretty dramatic and I worked really hard on this. **

**I hope you like this :) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

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_**No passion so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.**_

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**Bella pov**

It wasn't real; it was all in my head.

I knew that and I kept repeating it to myself over and over.

Yet I could still hear the screaming, I could still see the viscous blood slowly seeping out from under the doorway.

I wrapped my arms tightly around my knees and rocked almost involuntarily, praying it would all just go away, while I clutched desperately at the locket around my neck.

With trembling fingers I reached out blindly and roughly jerked open the drawer in my old battered desk.

I knew it was there. I was sure it was there, I had left it right there after the last time.

My fingers finally stumbled upon it, somewhere in the back.

I rolled up my sleeves, my fingers fumbling slightly.

I silently willed the screaming to stop, for the blood to disappear and to pull my memories with it.

As I dragged the sharp blade across my wrist, I sang quietly, my voice shaky and broken

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine._

_You make me happy, when skies are grey._

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you._

_Please don't take my sunshine, away._

I watched as the hot crimson liquid seeped from my wrist and dripped to the floor, pooling rapidly.

I felt the sharp stinging sensation that always accompanied the brief relief.

It was strange how terrifying the blood my mind conjured up was, yet how comforting the blood I spilled willingly could be.

As my voice grew weaker and I merely mouthed the words, the screaming faded and the blood crept back under the doorway.

Yes it was strange how comforting the blood I spilled willingly could be.

**Review please.**

**What did you think? Let me know if you have any ideas. **

**Review please.**


	4. Constant Questioning

**Ok so this is a little less, eh… dramatic then the last chapter. It's really just a filler but it explains a little. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and I'm out of gummy bears.**

**_Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved._********_Helen Keller_******

**Bella pov**

**Two hours later.**

I crept down the stair, intending to avoid my grandmother and her incessant questioning.

I passed by the outdated floral wallpaper in the narrow hall and proceeded to the kitchen, for a snack.

I stopped when I heard my grandmother's voice, drifting through the door.

The door was standing just slightly ajar and I stood to one side, listening to the conversation, checking if it was anything of interest.

"Charlie", my grandmother was saying in a motherly tone. She was talking to my father.

"Charlie, please listen", she continued "Bella isn't coping very well, I don't know what to do".

I had been worried about this; the last thing I wanted was to worry Charlie.

Clearly my grandmother was more observant then she was letting on.

"I think", she said, her voice strangely defeated "I think it's time Bella came and stayed with you".

No! Absolutely not! They'd have to drag me kicking and screaming.

There was silence for a moment, an awkward, tense silence.

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad.

It was Forks I didn't love.

My dad was the chief of police for the sleepy town of Forks, where it happened to rain as incessantly as my grandmother asked questions.

"I know she hates Forks Charlie, but she needs her father. This place, this place has too many memories for her", she said gently.

I sighed, it was true.

Arizona held so many memories for me. Some were good, but the good were generally clouded by the bad.

"I'm glad Charlie, yes I'll tell her today", she said replying to something Charlie said.

I sighed again in resignation. I was officially moving to Forks, my own personal hell. As if I didn't have enough problems.

"She should be in Forks in about two days then", she said matter of factly.

I sank down to the ground and wrapped my arms around my knees.

I had known she'd figure it out eventually, I had just hoped that it wouldn't be so soon or that she'd tell Charlie.

On the upside, my dad wasn't really all that observant and I would finally escape my grandmother's constant questioning.

**Two days later**

The plane landed at three. It was raining.

Charlie picked me up outside the airport and we exchanged quiet greetings and an awkward hug.

We drove in comfortable silence; neither of us were exactly verbose.

Charlie still lived in the same white panelled two bedroom house as he always had.

I was a little worried about the fact that I would have to share a bathroom with Charlie.

That was bound to make it harder to hide the blood.

The one thing I was looking forward to about living with Charlie, was routine.

I would wake up, go to school, come home, cook dinner (Charlie couldn't cook at all), do my homework and go to bed.

Most people would find this boring, but I didn't. I liked things that way. I liked it when things stayed the same. I preferred it when things didn't change.

Charlie showed me my room, which was the same as when I was a little girl, only with the addition of a desk and laptop. I found this somehow comforting.

I had always been like Charlie, he didn't like change either.

I would be starting school here tomorrow.

I was, to be honest, scared.

Forks high school had a frighteningly small number of students and I would be starting on a Wednesday.

The middle of the week, when all the gossip from the weekend had already been heard and Wednesday was the day I would cause the most attention and would be an unwelcome disturbance to this small town.

**So what did you think? I didn't really like the ending much but Bella's finally moving to Forks; in case it wasn't obvious Bella was living with her grandmother in Phoenix, Arizona. ****Any ideas let me know.**

**Review please. **


	5. First Day Of School

**Ok so I'm really sorry for not updating in ages, I've been sick and this was a hard chapter to write.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

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_Strong reasons make strong actions. _**_William Shakespeare_**

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I pulled my newly acquired parka hood up, to shield myself from Fork's ever present rain, but it just kept slipping back.

I veered towards the school office, to get my schedule for the rest of my dreary year at Forks high.

As I walked, a shadow cast over the pathway.

The seemingly ominous shadow was not the issue, the rather large rock obstructing my path however, was.

I flung out my arms, preparing myself for the hard, unyielding concrete ground.

However instead of concrete, I felt a strong pair of arms reach out and firmly grasp me by the shoulders, effectively saving me from yet another meeting with my good friend, the ground.

I turned to thank my saviour but saw only a tall masculine figure, whose muscles I could see rippling beneath his grey shirt, and just before the figure turned away and out of view, I caught just the slightest glimpse of a messy disarray of bronze hair.

I shrugged off the unsettling feeling that I was clearly not liked and continued on to the small, red brick office, which was surprisingly warm inside.

There was a large redheaded woman manning the cluttered desk, she greeted me cheerfully and I mustered the effort to smile, though I was sure it seemed more like a grimace.

Her face fell as she surveyed me, my dull brown eyes and lank hair, my baggy parka and pale, sickly face, nothing to write home about.

My first class was trig. Mr. Varner who taught the class made me introduce myself.

I babbled nervously and stumbled on my way to a seat in the back.

I could feel many curious eyes burning into my head, but I refused to look up to meet their stares.

I didn't pay any attention to Mr. Varner and he returned the favour, I could already tell we were going to get along.

As I packed up my bag, I was approached by a by a boy who looked about my age.

He had boyish features and pale blue eyes. He greeted me cheerfully, too cheerfully. He introduced himself as Mike.

He was nice I suppose and seemed oblivious and blind enough that we could be friends.

He was cute I suppose, but not really my type.

Although, luckily for him I did see a pretty brunette eyeing us speculatively. By all rights she should have been green; the envy was so evident on her face.

Mike walked me to my next class, hovering by the door until the last bell finally rang.

The only seat left open in English was beside the brunette I had seen earlier, she introduced herself as Jessica but apparently I could call her Jess.

She seemed friendly enough but I didn't trust her, she talked too much.

I played with my pen idly while 'Jess' filled me in on all the gossip, there wasn't really all that much and I wasn't interested either way.

I walked with Jessica to Spanish and she invited me to sit with her at lunch. I agreed, merely out of politeness.

I passed the class by doodling in my notebook and prepared myself for lunch, in which every body would be free to question me as they wished.

The cafeteria was cluttered and smaller than the one in Arizona.

Jessica led me to a long unbalanced, table that was far too crowded.

"Everybody this is the new girl, Bella. She'll be sitting with us today", Jessica announced in her rather nasally voice.

I sat down next to a greasy haired boy with acne problems.

I was well aware that all eyes were on me and I instinctively squared my shoulders, preparing for the inevitable onslaught of questions.

I pretty much tuned out after a while, my mouth on autopilot as people fired mundane question after question.

Over all I found the people of Forks to be nice and rather welcoming.

I seemed to be somewhat of a novelty and this, in a place where novelties were few and far between, seemed to make me popular.

I had a feeling that they preferred my inexplicable popularity more then my actual company.

I walked to my next class, Spanish with Jessica and a girl named Lauren who seemed rather begrudging of me and my newly found and unwanted popularity.

Several people smiled and even waved to me in the corridors and I was quickly discovering that popularity was more of a burden then I had ever expected.

As we neared the Spanish class, I could feel a strange clenching in the pit of my stomach.

Something seemed off but I put it down to nerves, after all I had half of the student population staring at me.

As we approached the class room door, I could hear a tumultuous uproar.

I knew what that noise was. There was only two options; either a sub or a free class.

Judging by the level of noise, I'd say a free class.

I stepped swiftly into the class, trying to be inconspicuous, a feat altogether impossible for me.

I tripped and went flying. As I landed my foot caught on the edge of a table and I knocked my head against the leg of a chair.

I heard a few laughs, but not clearly through the intense throbbing in my head.

The class closed in on me, surveying the damage, I felt my chest tighten and my breath caught in my throat. I hated enclosed spaces.

I got to my feet, albeit unsteadily. I felt a strange moisture trickling down my forehead and I slowly reached my hand up to inspect it, trying to ignore both the aching throbbing and the relentless stares.

I lowered my hand and found blood smeared across my fingertips.

I heard footsteps approaching the classroom as a girl with light brown hair and glasses suggested calling my mother.

My throat closed and my breath came in gasps, the hole in my chest, searing painfully.

My legs seemed to obtain a mind of their own as they pushed me through the crowd of bodies tightly packed together and out the door.

I sped down the corridors, unsure of exactly where I was going or what I was searching for.

I finally found every teenage girl's haven, the school bathrooms.

I stumbled in gasping for breath.

I clasped the edge of the sink tightly and stared resentfully at my reflection.

It was familiar, so very familiar and far, far too alike.

Red clouded my vision and I slammed my fists against the mirror, my own strength surprising me.

The mirror cracked and I, almost involuntarily, slammed my fists against the cold glass surface again.

The mirror shattered and chips of glass flew everywhere.

My legs seemed to disappear from under me and I could feel the broken glass jabbing painfully into my legs.

My fingers reached out numbly and gripped a jagged piece glass.

My hands were shaking far too much, my mind registered this fact but my fingers wouldn't listen and obey my silent command to drop the weapon.

I dragged the sharp glass across my upper arm with trembling fingers.

My hand was far too unsteady and the glass slipped, digging deeply into the soft flesh.

The pain seared through me as the blood seeped out, spilling across the tiles.

I considered calling for help but a hazy state of dark sleep swept over me, rendering me useless.

I heard footsteps; they were slow, lazy almost.

The footsteps halted a moment but then sped up again.

I felt warm breath on my cheek but I couldn't peel my eyes open to see who it was.

A smooth velvety voice swept over me and soothed me further into unconsciousness.

"You're going to be alright, you're going to be ok, I'll make sure of it".

**So what do you think? I hope you liked it.**

**Review please.**


	6. Therapy!

**Yay! Finally an update. I'm sorry I've taken so long I was doing exams for the past while an****d things have been fairly hectic, but I'm back on track now.**

**I also wanted to know if anyone was looking for a beta because I'm offering my services.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

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_While there's life, there's hope._**_Cicero_**

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**Bella's POV**

I was overcome by a sterile, astringent scent, that almost had me begging for, what I was sure had been unconsciousness, to claim me again.

It was strange how my senses seemed to come back to me one by one as I regained consciousness, a metallic beeping rang in my ears, my own heartbeat was pounding steadily and I could hear the distant shuffle of footsteps.

I blinked several times to adjust to the light, trying to escape the heavy, tightness in my eyes, slowly lulling me back to sleep.

I avoided looking to my side, attempting to pretend as if the IV that was sure to be there wasn't.

The room was a mint green and as sterile as any other hospital I had ever encountered.

I glanced down at my heavily bandaged arms, sighing softly at the realization of what I had done.

My father, a man who lived happily in the wonderfully oblivious world of denial, would be awoken to just how serious my 'issues', as my grandmother would call them, were.

The world would look down on me, pity me.

The unwavering world of the average superficial teenager of Forks High would view me with contempt and disdain. On the upside I would finally be rid of the aching annoyance that was my one day popularity.

I realised with a jolt that they would think I was suicidal, after all who would believe the word of a teenage girl clearly living on the edge?

Images flashed by me, bright and vivid.

My fingertips smeared with my own blood, shards of clear glass scattered across the cold tiles, my own fingers numbly grasping a glistening sliver of glass, my traitor fingers travelling along my worn wrist, my blood oozing down to pool on the floor, the blood continuing to pool, but there was too much blood coming far too quick, A shadow reflecting in the broken glass, I could clearly remember the very feel of muscular arms cradling me as I peered at the discarded shard of glass glinting menacingly, covered in my blood.

I gasped at the sudden pain in my head my mental rush had given me.

I closed my eyes tight, savouring the dark I had just left.

"Bells?", I heard my father's weary voice.

I flinched at the thought of the uncomfortable conversation soon to come.

The worst part being that I knew I couldn't console, there was no point in lying.

He would ask me to stop, beg me to but I wouldn't, I couldn't.

This would break him.

"Yes Dad?", I croaked, my voice hoarse.

My father stood at the doorway, still in his uniform.

My father, I was sure, was not able for this.

His face was sad and seemingly hopeless.

Suddenly I missed his broad grin that would cause little creases in the corners of his eyes, and the humour that danced in his eyes.

Standing before me was someone much older then my father, someone with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

His appearance was no different then it had been this morning as he wished me good luck at school but somehow the grey flecks in his hair stood out more clearly, the frown lines in his forehead were etched that much deeper and the laugh lines framing his mouth no longer showed his humour but more his tendency to curl his lips when suspicious or disapproving.

"You're awake", he stated, seemingly too tired to do much more then state the blatantly obvious.

I nodded in response none the less.

Charlie clasped the back of a chair that had been lying idly against the wall and dragged it to my bedside, ignoring the chairs eminent groan of protest.

He sat slowly; as if afraid the chair could not hold his weight and sighed, mopping his brow, though it was relatively cool.

"Bells", he began, avoiding my eyes.

I nodded slowly, deciding to let my father take his time, as I knew well that he was not one to be rushed.

"What happened Bella?", his voice was strong but his eyes betrayed him, I could see how desperately he wanted me to deny the truth.

"You know what happened Dad", I replied, my voice resigned.

"The doctors' said…", he trailed off, his voice wavering.

His voice became strong and his face determined "Bella, were you trying to take your own life?".

"No Dad! No!", I shouted harshly, my voice softening as I saw my father wince. "I really wasn't Dad, it… it slipped, I didn't mean", I faltered, swallowing the lump that had lodged itself in my throat and took a deep breath, cursing my shaky voice.

"I'm not suicidal Dad, I swear", I could tell he believed me and It was true. I may not have a lot but I had what was worth living for, my Dad, my Grandmother, despite the pain she was and my memories though piercing as they are, I held them to me dearly.

Charlie let out a breath I had not realised he was holding and straightened up in his chair.

"Bella, the doctors' say you could've died, this…this problem you have Bella", he swallowed convulsively and continued "well I think we've all ignored it for long enough. It's not going away and I… I think it's time you got some professional help", he uttered fearlessly, not even battering an eye at the fact that he was announcing this to a hysterical teenage girl.

My eyes were round in my horror and I choked on my protests.

My father ignored my reaction and went on "I've talked to Dr. Cullen and he's recommended this one not far from home, he said it does group and one on one therapy sessions", Charlie announced relaxing against his chair, evidently pleased with himself.

I opened my mouth to emit my stream of protests but as I did my father straightened in his chair again and looked me square in the eye, "You're going Bella and that's final".

**Edward's POV**

I was sitting in my adoptive father's office staring at the numerous placks and degrees ordaining the wall.

I had been sitting here for hours now, I wanted to go home myself, but Carlisle ha told me to wait for him, he wanted to speak with me, I was sure this was due to my lack of response over the earlier incident with the girl in the bathrooms.

As I stared blankly at the wall my mind yet again coming to the conclusion of who was to blame for my impending confrontation with Carlisle.

That girl, that attention seeking, most likely suicidal girl.

A small part of me acknowledged that my thoughts were cruel, that Carlisle asking me to stay here was not why I was angry with this girl.

I wanted to know her name, I wanted to know her however I did not want to want to know her.

I hated that I could walk through life never needing to know anyone and yet I desperately wanted to know this girl.

I hated that this insignificant girl, who was of no concern to me could even have me contemplating going to see her, just so I could discover her name.

Perhaps it was that holding her in my arms as I tried to find help had been the most human contact I had had in a considerably long time, maybe there was in fact a tiny shred within that actually cared about the people around me.

Or maybe it was that this girl had seemed so helpless, so vulnerable that it didn't seem possible that someone so fragile could possess the cruel human traits that we all did.

This girl seemed too vulnerable, delicate and hauntingly beautiful to ever hurt anyone, bar of course, herself.

I fought back the impulse to find the girl as I heard the door open, I knew it was my father; no one else could have reason to be here.

I did not turn to greet him instead opting to switch from studying Carlisle's impressive medical degree to a curious oil painting hanging above it.

"Son?", Carlisle called, I swivelled the chair around to face him and surveyed him silently.

"Her names Bella", he said and paused, giving me a chance to respond.

Knowing her name was not enough, I needed to know more.

"She's going to be ok and she's going to get some help", Carlisle said softly.

I nodded mutely, no emotion crossing my carefully moulded mask.

"Edward?", Carlisle called, somewhat impatiently, a trait unknown to my father.

I turned my head slightly and stared blankly at him.

"Edward that girl nearly died, don't you care at all", he asked sounding rather exasperated.

But I didn't, the girl was nothing to me, a mere curiosity, a puzzle to pass the time.

I decided not to respond to his question, I very highly doubt he expected me to, or even wanted me to.

"That's it, Edward", he suddenly exclaimed "something's got to change, I've decided… you're going to therapy".

I nodded silently and left the room, leaving Carlisle behind me, his hands cradling his weary head.

**Ok so what do you think? A little more insight into what's wrong with Edward.**

**Any questions ask me in a review or pm me and definitely let me know if you want me to beta for you.**

**Also I don't know how frequent updates will be, I'll try and update once a week but I'm working for the Summer and the hours are long.**

**Another thing can any one think up of a better name for this story, I don't like the current one.**

**Review please they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.**


	7. Empty, Hollow, Dead

**Ok so hi :) I know I haven't updated in forever but I've been busy ****with that trifling little thing I like to call reality. It tends to get in the way every now and again.**

**And you guys if I take more then a week to update again then you have permission to review and kick my ass, I take forever when writing so I apologise. **

**But here we are this is an update. I was originally going to go straight to therapy but figured I'd put this in first.**

**Also I was wondering if anyone would like to beta this story for me, let me know.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, never have never will.**

**Emmett's POV is set while Carlisle and Edward are in the hospital.**

**Emmett POV**

"Kids, you home?", I heard Esme's voice call out to us from the kitchen.

We dropped our bags in the hall and slipped off our shoes so we wouldn't dirty Esme's clean floor and headed for the kitchen.

I greeted my mother with a nod and headed for the fridge for a snack.

Once my sandwich was made I sat down on a stool and turned to face my mother who was fiddling with the tea towel she was holding.

"What's up Mommyio", I asked, in between chewing.

Esme gave the old 'don't chew with your mouth open' look and I swallowed hastily.

"Look kids, the thing is….", Esme began "your father and I have decided that… that it's time that Edward went back to therapy", she said in one breath, avoiding Alice's penetrating gaze.

Rosalie and I exchanged glances slyly across the table as Jasper spoke up "No offence but why are you telling us this?", Jasper muttered in his southern drawl, and I swear I saw Alice swoon.

"Well", Esme mumbled, staring at the kitchen counter "Edward's going to need all of our support and…", she continued before being interrupted by Rose.

"Do you think he'll even notice?", she questioned sceptically.

"Does he ever notice anything?", Jasper voiced, his tone matching his twins.

"Kids, come on", Esme called out, her face creased with worry and disapproval "he's still your brother and he's going through a hard time".

"He's been going through a hard time since he was a kid, it hasn't changed recently", Rosalie muttered.

"Look, kids", Esme's voice rose and her jaw set in determination "Edward is going back to therapy and… well Carlisle and I were hoping you'd go with him", she said her voice drifting slightly.

"What?", Jasper exclaimed, rising from his seat, his eyes flashing in anger.

A sane person would have shrunk away from him, but Esme was not a sane person, she was our mother.

"Yes", she said looking him in the eye with the ferocity and softness that only a mother could have and the anger within him recoiled.

"Of course were not forcing you, you don't have to go but Edward already has a difficult time communicating. Imagine him among strangers, without a single person he recognises", Esme said, the crafty woman backing us into a corner. She wasn't forcing us to go but she would be disappointed in us if we didn't.

"Among strangers?", Rose's voice was shrill "He'll be just as distant and cold as he is towards us, his family".

"He is still your brother", Esme said curtly.

"What Rose means is, will this actually do any good?", I asked before Rose responded.

"Yeah I mean Edward's been to therapy before, a lot", Alice said quietly, speaking for the first time since entering the room.

Esme sighed; the concern showing on her face "We just want our son to be happy", her head was bowed, her face showing her countless sleepless nights. Jasper rose, bringing his arms around his mother's weary frame and smoothing her hair gently.

"We'll go", Alice murmured softly "we'll go".

**Bella POV**

The whispers followed me, some discernable some not. But they were all the same. Freak, emo freak, psycho, crazy, attention seeking drama queen, at the very least it was better then the sympathetic glances people threw me as they spotted me.

Apparently Forks High wasn't so great when it came to privacy, the whole school knew, within a matter of hours and the rumours flew. Some said that I had jumped off the school roof; some were closer to the truth. All seemed to consist of my intended demise.

I walked into the small canteen, my feet dragging, head bowed to avoid the merciless stares penetrating my figure.

I grabbed my lunch, hurriedly accepting the change the lunch lady offered me, she placed it into my hand, careful not to tough my skin, afraid of catching whatever disease I was rumoured to have.

It was strange that mere days ago I had been seen as a shining beacon to the masses of this rainy little town and it's inhabitants and now, people crossed the street just to escape me, mothers warned their children not to stare at the girl, teachers and students alike avoided me like the plague.

I sat myself at an empty table and kept my head down as I heard the senior sitting directly behind me murmur to her boyfriend that she wanted to find another seat.

From the corner of my eye, I saw a girl with long straight brown hair and striking hazel eyes kiss the cheek of the boy sitting beside her and stand up, moving towards what seemed to be, my direction.

In a moment she was standing before me, a warm smile adorning her face, her eyes gentle but unsympathetic. She seemed like one of the few people unwilling to judge me before hearing the entire story.

"May I sit here?", she questioned softly, her pale hand already gripping the back of the chair directly opposite me.

I nodded mutely surprised that someone was actually willing to give me the time of day, especially someone who was previously sitting among Mike and Jessica, both of which had been predictably cold towards me, both horrified by the concept of having the ever elusive popularity, escape from their desperate clutches.

"I'm Angela", she said smiling happily, pleased by my acceptance.

"Bella", I muttered, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

The murmurs surrounding us grew louder as people realised that Angela was sitting by me. I noticed a girl with long corn silk hair and a scowl; she nodded towards me and then leaned towards the centre of the table whispering to her peers, causing laughs to erupt among them.

"Don't mind them", Angela said, drawing my attention away from the 'popular group'.

I failed to produce a smile but Angela seemed to appreciate my efforts.

"You… you don't have to sit with me you know", I mumbled, gazing down at my untouched pizza, my appetite gone.

"I know", she smiled warmly, no hint of deceit to be found "I want to". She didn't elaborate as of to why she wished to sit with me but I couldn't bring myself to believe that it was just to worm gossip from me, she seemed far too genuine.

I decided since she was offering me friendship, I may as well make a conscious effort to be a friend worth risking her reputation over.

"So since I'm new here, why don't you go give me the low down on Forks High, since I'm going to be here for a while it seems", I mustered a smile and Angela returned it with enthusiasm.

She hesitated for a moment and I knew then that Angela wasn't one to gossip. "I'm not looking for gossip, just the generals, who I should and shouldn't look out for", I informed her. Angela sighed in relief, glad that I wasn't a gossiper.

Angela filled me in on all the general stuff about Forks, the facilities the school offered, what extra curricular activities were good to join, the sports in the school, the teachers and the classes.

However we were interrupted just as Angela and I were bonding over a common distaste for trigonometry. I looked up to see the same blonde girl I had spied earlier, flanked on either side by Jessica and two other girls I didn't recognise.

"Come sit with us Angela, you don't want to be near this freak", the blonde girl sneered.

"Thanks but I'm perfectly happy where I am", Angela replied coolly.

Jessica looked up, startled and her eyes had a slight panic to them. "Come on Ang, you've heard what happened, she's weird, a freak it's social suicide just to be seen with her".

But Angela didn't stir she shook her head firmly but otherwise didn't respond.

The blonde girl turned to me addressing me directly "Freaks belong with freaks, why don't you go join the Cullen's, I'm sure you'd be welcome there", she flipped her long hair and stalked back to her table.

Angela's eyes were sad with a spark of indignation, mine I was sure held nothing beyond confusion.

"That was Lauren", Angela told me quietly "the blonde, you know Jessica, the other two were Natalie and Jessica, don't mind them. They just follow Lauren blindly", she informed me.

"Lauren's only interest is being on the top rung of the popularity ladder, just ignore her", Angela said smiling sweetly at me.

"Here I'll give you the low down on some of the people here, the ones I know well anyway", she smiled broadly and continued.

"You're acquainted with those four now so let's see", she scratched her head pondering who to begin with. "You know Mike, the guy sitting on the right of him is Eric and he works on the school newspaper. Then on the left of Mike is Tyler he's on the basketball team, one of the best players or so I've heard" she said peering at the table where they were all talking among themselves.

"The guy sitting closest to us, the one with brown hair and glasses, that's Ben, my boyfriend", Angela blushed as she spoke and I smiled, taking note of the adoring smile on her face.

"The guy sitting across from Ben is Conner; he's nice a bit shy but really nice. Both him and Ben offered to come over here with me, but I didn't want to overload you", she said smiling apologetically; I shook my head to let her know I appreciated it.

She continued to tell me little bits of information about a few people littered across the canteen.

By that stage my curiosity was burning and I had to ask the question that had been bugging me ever since my introduction to Lauren.

"Angela?", I asked peering up at her from under my lashes "Who are the Cullen's?".

She sighed softly "you caught that did you?", she asked rhetorically.

I nodded anyway and Angela lowered her voice to nothing more then a whisper.

"The Cullen's are five kids who go to this school, people won't associate with them because they see them as freaks", she said her tone showing her clear disagreement.

"You see that table there", she muttered nodding to a table near the entrance of the canteen, close to where we were seated in the middle.

"They are the Cullen's".

They were beautiful, every one of them.

They looked nothing alike apart from two; they were both tall and blonde with perfect features and figures, one a girl the other a boy.

The girl was tall with a figure and face any model would kill for but she sent off an aura of foreboding, as if to warn not to approach her. Her beauty flawless but her eyes had dark shadows that told of sleepless nights and were deep with untold secrets. Her frame was perhaps a bit too thin, her skin a little too pale for how one would imagine her to look.

The boy had a lackadaisical feeling to him as he slouched in his seat, chewing idly. His hair flopped into his eyes and his limbs seemed to be awkward, as if too big for him to know what to do with them. He seemed to have a calm aura about him but his eyes showed raging emotions within, desperately seeking escape.

There was a tiny little one, not even five foot I was sure, with short spiky black hair and pointed features. She was dressed impeccably, they all were. She seemed to have a fun aura surrounding her but there was a tightness in her eyes that made one think that she was holding her cards close to her chest.

Another was big and burly with a head of dark curly hair and a broad grin that seemed permanently etched into his face. He seemed boisterous as he ruffled the blonde boy's hair and laughed loudly. He seemed to be the only one among them with a clear face and honest eyes, as if his every secret was laid out before you, his eyes hid nothing.

"The little one, with spiky black hair is Alice Cullen, she's seventeen", Angela informed me quietly. "The two blondes are Rosalie and Jasper Hale, they're twins", she murmured "and the big guy is Emmett Cullen".

I pondered this for a moment and finally opened my mouth to question Angela "So what's so weird about them, apart from being so good looking, they seem pretty normal", I whispered, hoping they couldn't hear us.

Angela shook her head "It's ridiculous really, they're all perfectly nice. It's just that they are all adopted", she said.

"So, what difference does that make?", I asked not seeing the logic in all this.

"No it's who they were adopted by", Angela whispered leaning towards me "they were all adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Cullen and everyone knows that they only take in troubled kids".

"What do you mean by troubled?", I asked my eyes firmly set n the Cullen table.

"We don't know for sure", she whispered taking a drink from her soda "Jasper and Rosalie were the latest to be adopted, nobody really knows what happened to them but they were really difficult to handle when they first came".

I looked at her quizzically, silently encouraging her to continue.

"When they first came, Rosalie was all over the place, she'd start screaming at you if you so much as looked at her and other times she'd just break down crying", Angela's eyes softened and she went on without prompting "she was putting up this tough front but you could tell that inside she was struggling". "She was so thin it almost made you sick to look at her, she was extremely anorexic, she never ate and sometimes you could hear her retching in the bathrooms, she went away for a while too, to some sort of clinic", Angela didn't say it like it was gossip you could tell she was genuinely concerned.

"And Jasper, he was a mess. He had serious anger issues, still does at times", she shook her head in what I assumed was remembrance. "Some guy said something about Rosalie once, and the guy was in hospital for weeks after wards. People are always intimidated by Emmett but Jasper's the real one they should watch out for", she mumbled.

"What happened to them?", I found myself asking.

Angela shook her head "I have no idea, no one does but honestly why would they tell us?".

I nodded. She was right, I wouldn't either.

"Alice used to have these fits all the time, still does every now and again", she said her eyes wide and I had a feeling that if any of the Cullen's stories had gotten to Angela, it was this one. "They were a bit like epileptic fits".

"But that's pretty common, why would anyone hold that against her?", I asked shocked by the narrow mindedness of the town.

"Well the thing is they aren't actually epileptic fits", Angela stared down at the table "she would say these things, while she was having one".

"What sort of things?", I asked softly.

Angela peeled her eyes away from the smooth surface and stared at me with frightened eyes. "Things about the… future, the thing is they always came true".

I could tell that Angela didn't want to talk about this and I couldn't help but wonder what it was Alice had predicted.

"And Emmett?", I prompted the change in subject.

She seemed relieved for the redirection and smiled warmly again. "Well Emmett's different from the rest, he's not the type to hide things, he told every one straight off what his story was", Angela said. "He was a drug addict, grew up in some pretty bad parts you know?".

I nodded and figured that there wasn't really all that much more I needed to know.

I had been right though. Angela had said that Emmett had told everyone straight off what his story was, he didn't keep secrets.

"Wait!", I exclaimed suddenly, Angela stared at me, surprised. "Didn't you say that there were five Cullen's?".

Angela nodded her smile faltering for a moment.

"That's Edward", she said smiling easily.

"Is he not in today?", I asked curious about the missing Cullen.

"He is", Angela muttered, nodding towards the table farthest from the Cullen's.

Sitting there was a beautiful lone boy.

He was tall and lanky with bronze hair and chiselled features. Set in his handsome face were a pair of emerald green eyes, that I was sure could shine with emotion, making him even more beautiful, a near impossible feat. However his eyes did not shine with emotion. They were empty, bottomless and hollow. His whole face was emotionless, blank, dead. He seemed like nothing more then a shell. He ate the food laid before him robotically and stared blankly ahead, seeing everything and nothing.

I couldn't control the shudder that overcame me as his hollow eyes met mine. It seemed an automatic response to my staring but there was no hint of recognition, interest or mild curiosity within his eyes.

This beautiful boy was empty.

"He's always like that, never talks either", she muttered, a similar shudder racking her body.

"What's wrong with him?", I asked my voice breaking.

Angela shrugged and looked away.

I turned my eyes on him again and saw myself reflected in his dead eyes. The me I feared, the one I dreaded becoming.

Empty, hollow, dead.

**Finally, you have no idea how hard this was to write. Emmett's POV was awful and I apologise for that but I'm rather pleased with Bella's. I hope you are too.**

**Like I said earlier I'm looking for a beta for this story so let me know if you're interested.**

**Review please.**


	8. First Therapy Session

**I am so sorry for not updating sooner, I have no excuse but I hope you won't hate me for it.**

**I decided that I'll give you a little background history on one of the characters; I'll probably do this for every therapy session.**

**I'd like to say now that I have never been to therapy so I don't really know how it works but if anyone does let me know how it goes. So sorry if this ends up like an AA session.**

**Thank you to my super awesome beta hayleyhoo.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

**Rosalie Pov**

I walked slowly into the reception area, with its small windows and hideously outdated carpet. I saw Alice shudder in my peripheral vision.

Emmett stalked up to the counter, manned by a woman with an awful perm and a baggy shirt. He announced that we were here for the morning group session, giving her a quick wink, just to mess with her. After all if Emmett was going to be here he may as well get some fun out of it.

The woman led us to a plain wooden door and ushered us inside. This room was spacious with tall windows and cream walls which I imagine were meant to make us feel comfortable. There was a long table against the opposite wall laden with sandwiches, coffee and other snacks. The chairs were set in a circle like in those AA sessions on tv.

We all took seats as Emmett headed for the snacks. Jasper followed and got himself a coffee before sitting back down beside Alice, taking her hand in his and whispering soothing words to her.

Emmett sat beside me, balancing a plate piled with sandwiches and Oreos on his knees. He threw me a lazy grin before setting his arm on the back of my chair and using the other hand to scoff down his food.

Edward sat a few seats away from the rest of us, on Jasper's left, completely silent as he stared straight ahead, his face an emotionless mask.

Alice leaned towards me and whispered softly "Do you think they'll be nice?" I patted her knee reassuringly and nodded as more people began to file in.

There was an older guy with long greasy blonde hair held back in a pony tail; his eyes had heavy bags underneath them, he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

There was a girl with curly black hair and baggy clothes. She looked like she might be in college. Her eyes shifted nervously as she peered around the room and finally settled herself in a seat across from Emmett.

Another girl with long brown hair and a thin frame walked in, I instantly recognised her as the new girl at school, the one who had cut herself in the school bathrooms and nearly died. I felt a twinge of sympathy as I saw a girl with just as self destructive tendencies as me.

She was followed by a woman with short blonde hair and pink clips holding back either side, she had a big grin on her face that made myself and I was sure others uncomfortable. Why the hell was she so happy being in a room full of crazy messed up people.

Behind her came a younger woman who looked fresh out of college. She had wavy brown hair and tanned skin. Her smile was gentle and relaxing.

The two last women to enter took the seats across from us and introduced themselves as our councillors. The blonde was June and the other one was Meredith.

Meredith smiled at us softly; she had a soothing aura about her while June was annoyingly chirpy.

"So I'm going to go around the room and I want you all to tell me your name and why you're here", June said, in her irritating high pitched voice.

She went first to the guy sitting closest to her, the one with greasy blonde hair. "My name's Thomas and I have a gambling addiction", he muttered hoarsely.

She went then to the girl with curly black hair whose eyes shifted nervously towards the door and then back to the ground "My name's Sofia and I am a kleptomaniac".

June nodded and bobbed her head to Emmett "I'm Emmett", he said proudly his expression never changing as he spoke "and I'm a recovering drug addict".

Meredith nodded softly and wrote something down on her clip board.

"And you?", she asked quickly. I sat for a moment unsure of what to say exactly. That I was raped by two strangers? That my brother went totally psycho on their asses? That I developed anorexia and bulimia? That I refused to eat even when close to my death? Which to choose from? I decided to go with door no. 3 "I'm recovering from anorexia and bulimia".

June nodded her eyes surveying my body with disapproval and sympathy while Meredith's eyes stayed glued to my face though she did look rather ill at that moment; clearly she hadn't dealt directly with eating disorders yet.

June nodded towards Alice who straightened in her chair, setting her face to look intimidating as she cleared her throat and spoke "I was tortured by these bastards in a mental asylum".

Both the councillors' eyes widened at this news while Jasper sighed and rubbed her back in a soothing motion. Only we could tell how truly terrified she was.

"I'm Jasper, and I have anger issues", Jasper declared suddenly, to take away the attention from Alice.

Meredith nodded, shrinking away from Jasper slightly and turned to the new girl from school, whose head was bowed as the colour drained from her skin as she realised everyone's eyes were on her, even Edward's. There was no emotion on his face but his eyes were on her.

"M…My name's Bella and I… I", she stuttered slightly, staring at her scruffy white chucks. She shook her head slightly and tried again "I, I cut", she said simply swallowing nervously.

Jane smiled broadly and turned to Edward and said "and you dear, what's your name?", it was a lucky thing Edward wasn't paying her any attention cause if he was he'd be bound to be pissed by her condescending tone.

Edward stared ahead, his face blank but his eyes still fixed on Bella. I wasn't sure if he was even aware that we were here with him or that Bella was there either.

"Dear?", Jane called out, louder this time.

"He won't answer you", Emmett said, stretching out lazily and resting his hands behind his head "he never does".

Meredith turned to Emmett and asked "Why?".

Jasper chuckled softly "Well you could try asking him but I doubt he'll answer".

Emmett grinned as Alice spoke up "He doesn't answer anybody ever, never shows emotion or anything. One of his therapists said he might be catatonic but all the other therapists said that that wasn't it".

"He's empty", Jasper muttered.

I saw a visible shudder run through Bella at Jasper's words and it seemed that she agreed.

Meredith turned away from Edward quickly, probably spooked by his dead emotionless eyes and turned to back to Emmett.

"His name's Edward", Emmett muttered.

Jane nodded curtly and turned to us all as a group "Is anyone willing to tell us their story?".

I shook my head, Jasper did the same. Alice shuddered and mumbled a quick no. Bella muttered a quick apology but said no and Edward said nothing at all.

Emmett straightened in his seat and said slowly "I'll tell you my story".

Jane nodded and turned to him fully.

"Basically", Emmett began "I grew up in the city, in the bad parts. Lived in a trailer park, my mom got pregnant with me when she was seventeen, my dad ran out on us after a while, she went through a few men, had a lot of kids, a typical white trash story, you know?", he muttered, cleared his throat and continued again.

"My mom married this guy, total jackass but she was really into him. Anyway he left after a while, said he didn't want to be tied down to an old hag and her kids", Emmett chuckled darkly.

"My mom became an alcoholic, drank all our money till there was nothing left, my brothers and sisters were starving", Emmett's face became thoughtful then "I always hated her for that, you know but I guess she couldn't help it".

Alice and Jasper were staring at Emmett, hanging onto his every word; I knew that they hadn't heard this before.

"So I turned to petty thievery, you know keep the little ones going", Emmett smiled, thinking of his younger siblings.

"After a while I got pretty good at it, but it wasn't enough, my mom just drank all of it", Emmett muttered, his eyes darkening in remembrance "I got approached by these guys and they offered me more money, dealing you know".

"I didn't want to, but I did it any way, I figured since it was for the kids…" Emmett boomed with laughter "how cliché".

"I can't really remember it at all, but somehow I ended up taking them myself. When I started I promised myself I wouldn't end up like my mom, but somehow I found myself in the same place as she was, smack in the middle of an addiction".

Emmett's eyes clouded in remembrance as he spoke "I remember my mom telling me to get the hell off of them, that it was too late for her but that I was one of the good ones and that I was too good for the life she'd ended up with", Emmett chuckled gently "and then she slapped me and told me if I came home high once more she'd get Mr. Whittaker's shotgun and shoot me herself".

"I tried so hard, I went cold turkey twice, my mom helped, she stayed sober long enough to see me through it, that was the nicest thing she'd ever done for me", Emmett said, grinning slightly. I clenched my fists, hating the woman who put herself above her own son.

"But I couldn't do it, I couldn't stay off them", he mumbled, his voice dropping in shame "I remember thinking over what my mom said, about not wanting me to end up with the life she had", Emmett said quietly, his brow creasing slightly.

"The next day I called social services and told them to come take the kids, I had them all packed and ready by the time they arrived", Emmett said, moisture filming over his eyes.

"I didn't want them to end up with the life my mom had… that I had", he muttered softly.

June checked her watch quickly and clapped her hands together as Meredith rolled her eyes from behind her.

"It seems like we've run out of time", June said, standing up "I hope you'll all be here on time next week".

Everybody filed out of the room but Emmett stayed sitting in his chair, staring down at his sneakers.

"I miss them, Rose, I really miss them", he murmured softly.

I sat back down beside Emmett and ran my fingers slowly through his hair. "I know you do baby, I know you do", I said as gently as I could.

"Sam replied to my letter", he laughed loudly "He can't spell to save his life". I laughed with him as his grin widened.

"I'd love to meet him", I whispered. Emmett nodded and stood, gripping my hand in his, both of us knowing I would probably never meet any of his siblings.

**Review please. **

**What do you think? Who wants Edward's pov of this chapter?**

**Let me know what you think should happen next.**

**Review please.**


	9. First Therapy Session Edward's Pov

**Thanks so much for all the positive reviews so in response here is Edward's pov of the last chapter. Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon, also any readers of T.B.B I need ideas for the next chapter.**

**Thank you to my beta hayleyhoo.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything related, except for the soundtrack and DVD which are seriously overused.**

**Edward's Pov**

I followed Emmett into the poky reception, barely any of the chairs that lined the walls were filled, the few occupants flicked through magazines idly as they waited for assistance or merely passed the day.

Emmett winked at the middle-aged receptionist, she seemed flustered by the attention and I noticed her slyly hide her hand beneath the counter and subsequently her wedding ring.

I couldn't help but wonder if having a handsome young man momentarily flirt with her was the highlight of this woman's day, before she went home to the monotony that was I'm sure her husband and kids.

The receptionist led us to a plain door and ushered us inside, sizing Jasper up as we passed. I noticed Alice's face darken slightly at the woman's lasting gaze on Jasper. As I passed I stared directly into the woman's watery blue eyes, I could sense her deep shudder as I followed the others into the room.

I took a seat swiftly and stared at the cream walls above Alice's head, watching absentmindedly as Alice and Jasper held hands. Jasper was leaning towards Alice slightly, his stance both soothing and protective as he angled himself somewhat in front of her, probably noticing the slight trembling of Alice's slight frame.

Emmett's grin was lazy and his arm was thrown carelessly across the back of Rose's chair, he seemed the very epitome of tranquillity, though I could see clearly the slight tensing of his fists.

Rosalie was clearly tense, her back straight and her head held high, perhaps to make her seem taller in an attempt to intimidate the opponent, whoever that may be.

My family was very obviously uncomfortable within this setting. I had been to enough of these therapy sessions to understand that the venue made little difference what so ever, the councillors made no difference and the people within your group made no difference; you ended up walking out the same person you walked in as.

Alice whispered something to Rosalie, her shoulders hunched slightly and creases formed on her brow in doubt. Alice was the most uncomfortable here by far.

People began to file in, a guy and a girl. The guy seemed weary, his head was bent slightly, almost as if in defeat and his clothes appeared worn out and ragged.

The girl, younger then the guy, was nondescript to be sure, her clothes were baggy, perhaps for comfort or convenience and her eyes shifted uneasily, as though fearing reprimand.

Following them was a young brunette whom I recognised instantly. The girl, Bella.

Following her were two more women, one with a relaxed exterior, her walk was in easy steps, in no hurry at all while the other woman seemed to have a forcefully cheerful aura about her, her step was brisk and her arms swung mechanically, as if this session was nothing more then routine to her but her smile was wide and her eyes perhaps too innocent.

The first was Meredith, a calm and seemingly relaxed person, though the rapid rise and fall of her chest showed that she was more then likely nervous.

The other was June, cheerful by force it seemed, as there was neither sympathy nor empathy in her eyes. She was clearly going to prove somewhat of an irritating presence.

Both were to be our councillors.

"So I'm going to go around the room and I want you all to tell me your name and why you're here", June said, her voice far too high pitched not to grate on my nerves.

She went to the guy sitting closest to her first, "My name's Thomas and I have a gambling addiction", he croaked softly.

I figured that that was why his stance had seemed so hopeless, perhaps he had gambled all his money away; maybe his clothes were so worn because they were his only ones.

June turned next to the girl with the baggy clothes "My name's Sofia and I am a kleptomaniac". That would explain the baggy clothes at least, more space to cram her stolen merchandise. Her eyes shifted as if keeping look out, so no one would catch her, something she had done many times before, I'm sure.

She nodded and bobbed her head towards Emmett "I'm Emmett", he said proudly, poking himself with his thumb, he was trying to convey that he wasn't ashamed of who he was, something the other individuals in the room seemed to admire. I however could see easily through his flimsy façade, Emmett was more ashamed then anyone else present at the moment, he just hid it better.

Meredith nodded softly and wrote something down on her clip board as she had been doing throughout the session.

"And you?", she asked Rosalie quickly. Rosalie sat for a long moment, contemplating how to answer. That she was messed up seemed to be a reasonable enough answer, it was pretty much the basic definition to every issue raised in any therapy session.

"I'm recovering from anorexia and bulimia", Rosalie muttered, her voice low.

June nodded towards Alice who straightened in her chair, setting her face to look intimidating as she cleared her throat and spoke "I was tortured by these bastards in a mental asylum". Her voice shook, making it clear to everyone that she was hurt and scared.

Both the councillors' eyes widened at this news while Jasper sighed and rubbed her back in a soothing motion.

"I'm Jasper, and I have anger issues", Jasper declared suddenly, distracting the attention away from Alice.

Meredith nodded, and turned to the girl, Bella. Her shoulders shook with the weight of our gazes.

"M…My name's Bella and I… I", she stammered, staring at the ground intently. She shook her head slightly and tried again "I, I cut", she said simply gulping nervously.

She shifted slightly but it didn't go unnoticed by me, she was trying to move further from me, to distance herself from me, she was scared.

And for the first time in so long, my carefully constructed shell shook, I wanted her to look at me, I didn't want her to be frightened by my cold eyes.

Jane smiled broadly and turned to me "and you dear, what's your name?", she said, I was irritated by her patronizing tone but I ignored her easily, I had no intentions to answer her.

I stared ahead, my face blank but my eyes fixed on Bella, willing her to look at me.

"Dear?", Jane called out, louder this time. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"He won't answer you", Emmett said, stretching out lazily and resting his hands behind his head "he never does". He was bored. He had had this conversation so many times, it no longer held the small sliver of entertainment it once had.

Meredith turned to Emmett and asked simply "Why?"

Jasper chortled softly "Well you could try asking him but I doubt he'll answer". I appreciated Jasper's attempt to lighten the atmosphere some.

Emmett grinned, clearly appreciative too. Alice chose then to speak up "He doesn't answer anybody ever, never shows emotion or anything. One of his therapists said he might be catatonic but all the other therapists said that that wasn't it".

I wasn't but it had been a good guess.

"He's empty", Jasper muttered.

I wasn't that either, but he was close.

I saw a visible shudder run through Bella's petite frame at Jasper's words and it would seem that she agreed. I didn't understand the emotion that ran through me at this realization, emotion itself was rare, too rare for me to discern exactly what it was.

Bella's head was bowed as she stared at her feet, her head raised minutely in my direction before quickly letting it fall back down, her hair spilling over her face.

Meredith turned away from me quickly, probably creeped out by Jasper's surmise and turned to back to Emmett.

"His name's Edward", Emmett muttered. I knew that my brother in his own way was looking out for me, he wanted them to refer to me by my name, to treat me as they would any human, a kind but wasted gesture.

Jane nodded curtly and turned to the rest, her back to me "Is anyone willing to tell us their story?"

I chose not to answer, as I did to every question.

Rosalie shook her head and Jasper did the same, they could not tell their story without telling the others. Alice shuddered and mumbled a quick no. Bella muttered a quick apology but said no, her shoulders hunching as if in protection.

Emmett straightened in his seat and said slowly "I'll tell you my story".

I listened to Emmett's voice but kept my eyes fixed on Bella, waiting for the moment her eyes rose to meet mine.

I pondered for a moment as Emmett found the words to begin, as of to my reaction to Bella, why did I seek her eyes so very much?

I had wondered about her after our brief meeting in the bathrooms, an event she most likely didn't remember, why?

Why had I chosen to save her?

Why had I listened to her plea of help?

Why her?

What was wrong with her?

Why would anyone do that to themselves?

Why, after letting someone else hurt you, would you continue the pain?

Why keep it such a secret?

That at least I knew the answer to, it was to protect herself, to protect others.

Emmett was very unlike most people, he seemed to enjoy awkward moments for he told everyone who asked his story, mostly just to see them squirm uncomfortably.

Most people would avoid such conversations and awkward silences, choosing instead to avoid topics that would make others uncomfortable.

Perhaps Bella, like so many before her chose not to tell others because she knew that it would do no good, that person couldn't help, couldn't possibly understand and it would most likely just hurt that person.

To hurt ones self to protect others was both foolish and selfless.

But to see the people you love in pain because of your pain hurt, so surely you would do whatever it takes to stop them from seeing your pain, even if one must keep secrets or even shut themselves down, without emotion one cannot feel true pain.

"Basically", Emmett began, his voice distant, recalling the past "I grew up in the city, in the bad parts. Lived in a trailer park, my mom got pregnant with me when she was seventeen, my dad ran out on us after a while, she went through a few men, had a lot of kids, a typical white trash story, you know?", he muttered, cleared his throat and continued again.

"My mom married this guy, total jackass but she was really into him. Anyway he left after a while, said he didn't want to be tied down to an old hag and her kids", Emmett laughed darkly.

"My mom became an alcoholic, drank all our money till there was nothing left, my brothers and sisters were starving", Emmett's face became thoughtful then "I always hated her for that, you know but I guess she couldn't help it".

Emmett understood his mother's addiction; his mother loved her children I think but that love did not govern her, her addiction did.

"So I turned to petty thievery, you know keep the little ones going", Emmett smiled, thinking of his younger siblings. He truly loved them and one could see easily how it pained him to be so far from them.

"After a while I got pretty good at it, but it wasn't enough, my mom just drank all of it", Emmett muttered, his eyes darkening in remembrance "I got approached by these guys and they offered me more money, dealing you know".

"I didn't want to, but I did it any way, I figured since it was for the kids…" Emmett boomed with laughter "how cliché".

"I can't really remember it at all, but somehow I ended up taking them myself. When I started I promised myself I wouldn't end up like my mom, but somehow I found myself in the same place as she was, smack in the middle of an addiction".

Emmett's eyes clouded in remembrance as he spoke "I remember my mom telling me to get the hell off of them, that it was too late for her but that I was one of the good ones and that I was too good for the life she'd ended up with", Emmett chuckled gently "and then she slapped me and told me if I came home high once more she'd get Mr. Whittaker's shotgun and shoot me herself".

"I tried so hard, I went cold turkey twice, my mom helped, she stayed sober long enough to see me through it, you know that was the nicest thing she ever did for me", Emmett said, grinning slightly.

"But I couldn't do it, I couldn't stay off them", he mumbled, his voice dropping with the shame that I knew was there throughout "I remember thinking over what my mom said, about not wanting me to end up with the life she had", Emmett said quietly, his brow creasing slightly.

"The next day I called social services and told them to come take the kids, I had them all packed and ready by the time they arrived", Emmett said, moisture filming over his eyes.

"I didn't want them to end up with the life my mom had… that I had", he muttered softly.

There was silence as I watched a single tear roll down Bella's pale cheek.

June checked her watch quickly and clapped her hands together as Meredith rolled her eyes from behind her.

"It seems like we've run out of time", June said, standing up "I hope you'll all be here on time next week".

As everybody filed from the room I looked up to catch Bella's gaze on me, she smiled a small shy smile, her eyes hesitant but soft.

I did not make any response but as I walked from the room I felt a strangely foreign warmth sweep over me.

**Review please. **

**So what did you think, It seems Edward's cold shell is starting to melt. What do you want in the next chapter? Another therapy session? Bella meets the Cullen's properly? Let me know.**

**Review pretty please.**


	10. Alice's Story

**Sorry for not updating but my computor is fixed now so hopefully updates will be more frequent. And keep in mind I'm changing my username so if you're a reader I'd advise putting this story on alert just incase it's diffucult to find me again.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Jasper Pov I rubbed gentle circles in Alice's palm as she glared at our councillors, fire burning within her. The councillors, having already listened to Emmett, Thomas's and Sofia's stories, demanded that Alice tell them hers.

Alice's jaw was set as she squared her shoulders and began "I came from Biloxi Mississippi, where I lived with my mother, father and younger sister Cynthia", she muttered reluctantly. A barely audible sigh escaped her lips and her shoulders sagged "we were happy".

"That is until I started to have 'the visions", Alice spat "The only one I told was Cynthia but she didn't understand, no one did", Alice mumbled, sneaking a sly glance across to me. "They weren't bad, the visions I mean, not really", Alice squeezed my hand tightly before continuing "but as my father would say we were good god fearing people and apparently God didn't condone of my visions".

Alice's voice dropped uncharacteristically low, her eyes blazing with betrayal "Cynthia told them, she saw my visions as evil she thought that if I went away it'd stop and everything would go back to normal, they tried everything; from locking me away to exorcism and eventually they just wanted me gone, to stop infecting their home and embarassing and disgracing their name".

"It was out in the middle of the forest, I suppose that's why they chose it, no one could possibly find me and link me back to them", Alice let out a short bitter laugh.

"They dropped me off on a Tuesday and I never saw them again", Alice's eyes were downcast "there isn't really much to tell after that, I was locked in a dark room, the only light I ever saw was from when they came in to retrieve me for the 'therapy'", Alice shuddered at the word therapy.

"Therapy?", Meredith questioned, I flinched instinctively at the realization that Alice was going to have to say this out loud, as selfish as it was, once was enough.

"Shock therapy for the most part but they brought it to extreme heights", Alice's eyes were distant as she spoke, a single crease forming on her brow. "They didn't give us any pain relief or sedation, to help the cleansing process. Then there was the other therapy" Alice paused as a deep shudder ran through her "a dark room with all these doors, I didn't realise till much later that it was a morgue, I should've known really, there was that awful stench, dead bodies", Alice stared down at her feet as she continued "they'd force you into one of the doors after giving you a shot of something, a hallucenagenic I think. I think they just liked the sound of your screaming as you pictured all these awful scenes before you".

Alice took a deep breath "I was luckier then most I suppose. I could hear the screaming from down the hall when James made his rounds, I was lucky he liked blondes", Alice glanced towards Rose's ashen face, her lips forming a swift apology. "But the visions kept coming, worse then before", she murmured "before they were simple, happy. They were of birthdays and picnics but once I went to that place they changed, they were dark and painful".

"They came more often too", Alice mumbled "I hated James more then anyone else there, I'd get these visions of what he'd do to those girls just days before he did, there was no way to warn them. I just had to watch in silence and pray that it would pass soon", Rosalie's eyes were fixed on Alice, never blinking.

"If you tried to fight they'd fight back, if you screamed, they'd find a way to silence you", Alice whispered "We were entirely alone".

"After two years some one stumbled across us and they shut them down", Alice's eyes were sad, her shoulders slumped "I went back to my home but my parents and Cynthia had abandoned the place, the only thing they left behind was me. One of the neighbours said that they'd left only two days after dropping me off, I never did find them again".

"I still have my visions", Alice said, her voice stronger "but they're much better, now that I'm a Cullen".

"I dream about that place alot though", Alice whispered, her voice near inaudible "and sometimes I can't help but think that I'd sleep much better at night if that place was just burned to the ground", Alice sighed heavily and glanced at the plastic clock hanging over June's head, standing at the realization that it was time to go she nodded mutely and swept from the room, as we watched soberly from our chairs before following her.

I turned to go catching a glimpse of Edward from the corner of my eye as his hand dug into his jacket pocket and I heard a clear clicking sound as I caught Alice's hand in mine.

**Finally finished this chapter,it wasn't easy and I'm still not entirely satisfied with it but hopefully you'll like it. And note guys my username is now demented bunny. Review please.**


	11. Sleep Well

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Thanks to my awesome beta hayleyhoo.**

**Edward Pov**

_"Sometimes I can't help but think that i'd sleep much better at night if someone would just burn that place to the ground"_

I flipped open the lid of my silver zippo lighter and snapped it closed again, enjoying the sharp click that was emitted. I repeated the process several times before properly lighting it, the vibrant flame a stark contrast to the grey dusk that was my backdrop.

I surveyed the shabby crumbling building before me, it was a pitiful sight really, it's walls tumbling, windows cracked and the paint peeling. Not particularily threatening, but Alice's words rang in my ears.

_"Sometimes I can't help but think that i'd sleep much better at night if someone would just burn that place to the ground"_

The sight of her face as she told her story was burned into my mind, her eyes uncharacteristically downcast and her expression clearly helpless.

I savoured the minute warmth of the flame before carelessly flicking it towards the pitiful building. I had poured enough petrol for it to catch either way.

I watched silently as the fire caught on the liquid and the rising flames licked the building's decrepit frame. The flames were striking against the dull grey sky and the protective encompass of the surrounding trees.

I sighed softly as the final remnants of Alice's tortured past disintegrated before me.

_"Sometimes I can't help but think that i'd sleep much better at night if someoe would just burn that place to the ground"_

As I turned away, the flames warming my back, I silently hoped that somehow Alice would know and that for tonight she would sleep peacefully.

**That night.**

"Edward?", Alice murmured from where she stood at my bedroom door wearing her faded green pyjamas, her expression sad and her shoulders slumped forward.

"I was wondering if maybe we could talk?", she murmured, hesitantly stepping forward and rocking on her heels, unsure if she should come any closer. I felt a strange pang in my abdomen at the thought that my own sister was scared of my very presence.

She took another step forward and sat on the edge of my leather sofa. I didn't move from where I was lying on my bed and I knew that Alice could sense no change in my expression. "I mean I know that you won't talk back or anything but...", she trailed off, nervously wringing her hands.

She threw me a desperate glance, trying to convey how very much she needed me to talk back, that she needed her brother.

Alice paused a moment, hopeful for my reply but I merely continued to stare blankly at my white ceiling, ignoring her presence completely.

Upon seeing that I clearly wasn't going to respond her face fell, she stood and walked silently back to the door. She hesitated by the door and turned slightly to say something more but deciding against it she left, gently closing the door behind her.

I shut my eyes tight, willing myself not to call after her and murmured quietly to myself "Sleep well Alice".

**I am so sorry that it's so short but after reading it over twice I couldn't think of anything more to add to it but hopefully the next chapter will be longer.**

**Review please.**


	12. Edward's Story?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Bella Pov "Hey Angela", I called running to catch up with her, adjusting the strap of my backpack as I did. I stumbled slightly before gripping her shoulder and spinning her to face me.

"Hi", I panted as she greeted me. "Lunch?" I asked, doubled over panting. She chuckled softly and nodded, leading me to one of the few benches outside. We both pulled out our lunches and lent back, soaking up the sun.

"Where's Ben and Conner?" I asked noticing that they weren't present. I had gotten to know them both well they were pretty nice guys, once you got over their obsession with Dungeons & Dragons.

"Detention", Angela murmured, cracking one eye open to peer at me, I rose one eyebrow sceptically, those boys were the last people I'd expect to be in detention. Angela chuckled "Apparently speaking orkish in Spanish class is not ok". I laughed with her and began eating my sandwich.

As I ate and Angela told me about her written assignment in English I saw the Cullen's walk past or at least most of them, Edward never seemed to be with them except for at our therapy sessions and even then he seemed to be somewhat detached from them.

I watched them from the corner of my eye as they sat at one of the lunch tables furthest from Angela and myself. They ate their lunch in relative silence, their lips scarcely moving at all.  
Alice flicked her head back and spotted me, waving slightly with a broad smile adorning her bright face. I waved back shyly and she gestured for me to join them, until she spotted Angela beside me, her smile faltered and she slowly lowered her hand, smiling apologetically before turning back around.

I turned towards Angela who was looking the other way, pretending that she hadn't noticed.

I told myself to let it go, that if Angela wanted me to know she would have told me about it already. But I was the cat, and I was chasing curiosity.

As I opened my mouth to ask Angela if she knew Alice, trying to at least appear subtle, Angela spoke "Do you know..." she paused and frowned slightly "Do you know the Cullen's?" she asked quietly.

"A little", I mumbled softly "they're in my therapy group", Angela nodded and I couldn't help but notice that she looked somewhat relieved.

"Angela, you don't have to answer this, but" I paused momentarily "Why don't you like Alice Cullen?" I sucked in a large breath and held it, waiting for her reply.

Angela bit her lip hesitantly and sighed softly "It's her visions", Angela murmured and shook her head as she tried, in vain, to muster a smile.

"But why?" I questioned, "Tons of people all over the world every day claim to be psychics". "Yeah but not a lot of them actually are", she retorted. I raised my eyebrows at her, prompting her to continue.

"Everybody always knew that the Cullen's were, troubled", she mumbled, "Because they were adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Cullen". I nodded in understanding and she continued, shuffling her feet uneasily against the concrete ground.

"But I tried not to pay too much attention to that", she murmured quietly so as not to be heard "it was obvious that they were all indeed troubled but I knew at heart that they were good people". Angela sighed again before continuing, casting an uneasy glance in the direction of the Cullen's.

"Last year I sat beside Alice in English. She seemed nice and though we didn't talk much I still liked her and always tried my hardest to be kind". Of course I knew enough of Angela to know that she was always kind and polite to even the strangest of people. Even Edward, who I had heard being referred to as an anti-social zombie, Angela's eyes never held the fickle curiosity I was used to or the clear disdain. However I had a feeling that Edward would have preferred this to her obvious sympathy.

"After a while we slowly began to become friends", Angela shrugged slightly "I guess it was kind of hard for her to trust me at first".

"We were in the library", Angela turned to me and waved her hand slightly in a passive gesture "and it's always pretty much deserted in there. Anyway we were in the school library researching for an English assignment when Alice had one of her fits".

Angela's eyes were coated with moisture as she spoke in barely a whisper "Usually she just said very mundane things but this time... this time", Angela visibly choked and I awkwardly patted her back.

"This time?" I prompted, cursing my irrepressible curiosity.

Tears streamed down Angela's face and she hastily wiped them away, turning her back so both the Cullen's and myself couldn't see.

"And this time she told me that in two days time, an hour after dinner my Dad would suffer a heart attack and die", Angela's turned back to me, her eyes suddenly blazing "apparently there was nothing we could do", she spat out.

Myeyes widened and I hesitantly put an arm around Angela's shoulders and gave her a light, reassuring squeeze.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, tears slowly rolling down her freckled cheeks. "Two days later my Dad collapsed in the garage", Angela whispered, confirming what I had already assumed.

"He died", she wailed "and I was too busy being angry at Alice to heed her warning and say goodbye", she buried her head in my shoulder and gentle sobs racked through her body.

I saw from the corner of my eye, Alice stir and make to get up but Jasper held her back and so she looked on with sad eyes before turning her face into Jasper's chest. I watched her small frame shudder with every intake of breath and I realised quite suddenly how hurt Alice must be. To think that her 'fits', the very thing that had made her parents abandon her had done to same to what was very possibly the only friend she had ever had in Forks outside of her family.

**Bella Pov. Ok so I previously skipped past the lunch break because it wasn't very convenient but I added it in here and this is like half way through the session so they pretty much just wasted the morning on whatever.**

I stood to the side, somewhat scared of the way that Emmett was devouring those Oreos and hesitant to get in his way.

I was too busy watching Rosalie and Emmett bicker over his eating habits and trying to ignore Edward's blank eyes that were boring a hole in my head to notice Alice skip over to me, dragging Jasper with her. I gulped down the lump of ham sandwich in my mouth and smiled at them.

"Hi Bella", Alice chirped in a singsong voice. I nodded in acknowledgement, wary of this girl after the information shared between Angela and myself.

"Hello", Jasper murmured, his smooth southern voice had a strange calming quality to it and I couldn't help but notice how well these two complimented each other.

"How are you?" Jasper asked, placing a hand on Alice's shoulder to calm her excited bouncing. "I'm goo..." I began, only to be interrupted by Alice's high-pitched singsong voice "enough with the formalities", she stressed. She grabbed my hands and began hopping up and down, swaying my arms along with her "We're going to be the best of friends Bella, I can tell". I stiffened at her words, did she have a vision?

Alice's face fell and she dropped my hands slowly before turning to see Emmett and Rosalie approaching us. "Hey", Emmett said loudly and Rosalie merely nodded before turning her attention to her nails. I didn't think she was trying to be rude, I thought that maybe she was just uncomfortable.

I felt a stirring of the air and turned to watch Edward stand and sweep out the doors, perhaps recalling that Meredith had said we could go for a walk outside.

Again my awful curiosity betrayed me and I spoke before thinking. "Is Edward always like that?" Emmett and Alice spun around and eyed me in open astonishment, they're mouths hanging open as Rosalie eyed me with mild curiosity and Jasper looked at me with suspicion.

"I'm sorry", I said, ducking my head and allowing my hair to cover my red face "that was rude, I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked".

Emmett opened and closed his mouth several times before managing to say "You...you".

My eyes grew wide and I cursed my own stupidity at having made someone of Emmett's size so angry he was speechless.

"You... you called him Edward", he cried before swinging me up and crushing me against him in a bear hug.

"Excuse me?" I choked out before he put me down, grinning sheepishly.

Alice looked at me, her expression unfathomable "You're the first person in two years outside of our family to call Edward by his name, not just him or that guy".

I noticed that Jasper seemed indifferent, as though this information clearly meant very little to him compared to Alice and Emmett and Rosalie seemed frustrated and indignant.

"Alice", Emmett exclaimed, "Could it be a sign?" Alice lifted one perfectly manicured finger and tapped her chin thoughtfully before being cut off by Rosalie.

"Of course it's not", she yelled suddenly "Like it makes any difference, he's not going to give a damn that she remembered his name, that anyone remembers his name", she looked furious but yet at the same time she looked as though she were on the verge of bursting into tears "when will you too wake up and realise that he just doesn't give a damn".

She stormed from the room, followed closely by Jasper who threw an apologetic glance in Alice's direction before gently closing the door behind him.

Alice sighed heavily before plopping herself into a chair and stared miserably at the ground. Emmett followed suit and I suppressed a wince at the groan of the chair.

I hesitated slightly, the anti-social monster in me scanning for an escape, but I knew that Alice was most likely right, I had a feeling that I was going to become good friends with the Cullen family and so I stayed, for the sake of my future friendship and my rather demanding curiosity.

I sat beside Alice and warily placed a hand on her shoulder, attempting to soothe her. She smiled gratefully but it didn't erase the deep sadness that lingered in her eyes and around the corners of her mouth.

"They don't understand is all", she murmured, "They just don't understand, they do care about him, really". I smiled weakly at her feeble attempt at defending Jasper and Rosalie.  
Emmett nodded slowly in agreement "they joined the family last", he said slowly "and by that time Edward was already like this". I'm sure there was clear curiosity in my eyes because he continued.

"They don't think that there is any point in hoping", he said sadly, his head tipped forward slightly as he shuffled his feet. Alice continued for him "They... they just don't know what he was like before", a slow tear rolled down Alice's cheek and I gave her shoulder an awkward squeeze, it felt strange to be comforting a stranger, to see their tears when I myself believed in never showing anyone your tears.

"They don't really know who he is", a desperate sob racked her body and Emmett stopped shuffling his feet and I was sure that he kept his head tipped forward to stop me from seeing his own tears.

"All they know is this Edward", Emmett mumbled, a soft rasping quality to his voice. "It's hard for them to see him as being any other way".

I bit my lip slightly before speaking "How was he... before?" I questioned.

Alice looked up at me, a smile shining through her moist eyes; she opened her mouth to speak. "You know they've never asked that before", Emmett stated quietly and Alice turned to him, surprise and realisation dawning on her face.

"Not once", he whispered sadly.

Alice turned to me, a bittersweet smile gracing her tear-streaked face.

"He was so sweet, quiet and shy but he always had such a big heart", she spoke fondly but it hurt to see that in her eyes she was grieving for that little boy, a part of her truly believing he was gone forever.

"He was fiercely protective", Emmett announced as though it had just occurred to him.

"When we were kids there was this boy who always called me dumb", he turned to Alice "Remember?" She seemed to, her laughter was like the light tinkle of the wind chimes my mother had always told me to wish on. I choked slightly on nothing as my thoughts strayed to my mother.

"That's right", Alice giggled, "They never did figure out who filled his backpack with earth worms". They laughed together, softly sighing at the memory.

"What about the therapy?" I asked, shrugging "isn't the point for them to help him".

Emmett frowned before replying "No. It never does any good. He won't talk".

My face fell at his words and I asked the question that had been burning on the tip of my tongue since I first spotted Edward Cullen sitting in the cafeteria. "What happened? When did he become like this".

Emmett exchanged a wary look with Alice who shrugged in reply.

"It was kind of gradual", she said slowly "it took a while for us to even notice but at least then he'd talk a little bit and he still hung out with us". Emmett nodded and continued for her "then one day it all just kind of blew up", he said, scratching the back of his head absentmindedly.

"It was in gym two years ago, we were out on the football pitch", Alice tipped her head back, staring at the off-white ceiling "we were all there, what was it for Emmett?" she asked scratching her chin.

"Some sort of fitness thing", he shrugged as she rolled her eyes. "We were all there anyway and I think we were stretching or doing laps or something along those lines", she closed one eye and squinted the other, as though that would help her in remembering.

"Some kid, I think it was Tyler he shoved past Edward, caught him off guard, and well you know how muscly that kid is", she raised both eyebrows and I nodded "well yeah Edward went flying back and knocked his back really hard off the bleachers".

"My eyes widened "Was he hurt?" I asked.

Emmett popped a handful of Reese's pieces in his mouth, swallowed them all in one go and opened his mouth to speak "He seemed ok, Jazz and I got him back up but when he turned around he had blood all over the back of his shirt", my mouth fell open in surprise "was he ok?" I inquired.

"He seemed really distressed but we thought that it was probably because he was in pain or he was uncomfortable with all the attention". I nodded in understanding, they did after all sound like fairly reasonable assumptions.

"Well since Forks is too small to have a school nurse, Coach Clapp had to call Carlisle", Alice said "he arrived with another medic and anyway when they told Edward to take off his shirt so they could check the wound, Edward totally freaked out".

My brow furrowed in confusion. "Why".

Alice shrugged "Dunno' but he out rightly refused to take off his shirt. Carlisle though that maybe it was because he was self conscious and didn't want to take off his shirt in front of everyone else but when he suggested coming into Coach Clapp's office Edward just freaked out again", Alice pursed her lips at the thought.

"He got really angry and started calling Carlisle all these names", Alice bit her lip sadly "he was like a caged animal, he seemed terrified and he just attacked".

"Anyway when Carlisle and Coach Clapp were talking about what to do, he ran off", I was sure I looked mildly alarmed "we searched everywhere but we couldn't find him".

Emmett sighed "When he finally did come back, the blood was gone and he told us and I quote 'that he'd done the stitches himself'. Carlisle didn't believe him though, since it was on his back but get this apparently according to Edward the injury was on his lower side", Emmett eyed me expectantly.

"But the blood, you said it was all over", I said slowly. Emmett rose one eyebrow, as though in challenge "exactly".

"But no matter what Carlisle did", Alice, murmured "Edward refused to let him treat him so we had to just take his word for it".

I shook my head gently at her words. "Wh...Why would he be so reluctant to take off his shirt".

"Hell if I know", Emmett retorted, brushing any crumbs from his lap.

I shuddered involuntarily at the thought of what my reasoning would have been if in the same predicament as Edward.

"After that day Edward became... became that", Alice said, her head flopping forward hopelessly.

And though I'm sure she didn't mean for me to I heard her softly whisper, "I miss my brother".

As everybody filed in to begin the group session again, my eyes gravitated towards Edward and I felt a small pang of wistful compassion for the lost little boy in him.

**Finished finally, this was a hard chapter to write. I'd really like to hear your theories about what happened in gym that day. I think that this chapter is longer then usual so hopefully you enjoyed it and I think that the next chapter will be of the rest of this therapy session.  
Review Please**


	13. Rosalie's Story

**A huge thank you to my beta Haleyhoo.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Jasper Pov**

I sat back down beside Rosalie, placing a soothing hand on her shoulder, which she shrugged off. I sighed and sent an apologetic glance to Alice who nodded in understanding, her face sad and her fingers tightly gripping Bella's.

June and Meredith entered the room and smiled in approval of the seating arrangements, frowning slightly when they noticed that Edward was still sitting in the same seat he had been before.

"Rosalie", Meredith said gently, Rosalie's head shot up in surprise "Yes?" she replied cautiously.

"We", she gestured to June beside her "were wondering if maybe you'd be willing to talk today?" Rose's eyes narrowed and she shook her head vehemently.

I took Rosalie's hand in mind and silently pleaded with her to concede.

She sighed in defeat and began slowly "We lived in Texas", she muttered, nodding her head towards me. "With our mother and father". Rose took a deep breath and I squeezed her hand in reassurance.

"We lived in a large house and went to a prestigious private school", she said slowly "We were very privileged, an abundance of presents, the finest designer clothes. Our parents made sure that we wanted for nothing".

A deep frown formed on my brow, I knew how difficult it was for her to admit how truly neglectful our parents were.

"They were never really around much but when they were I'd begun to notice that my father had been stressing out a lot lately". Rosalie's eyes were hard as she spoke "Long story short he was way in debt and had no way of getting out of it".

Emmett's eyes flickered towards Rosalie as she spoke "He borrowed a lot of money from these loan sharks but he wasn't able to pay any of it off so they came to our house". Rosalie's nostrils flared and her hands formed fists. "They shot my mom first", she muttered and an image of my mother's blood spattered across the expensive cream rug in the living room flashed before me.

"A few of them dragged my father off", she said slowly "I'm not really sure what for, but they found his body dumped in an alley behind a Chuckey Cheese downtown".

Rosalie took a deep breath before she spoke again "While they dragged my father kicking and screaming another two men crept into my room. They were grotesque, oily and dirty".

"They dragged me to my bed and.... and took turns", she whispered. I closed my eyes against the onslaught of emotion, I should've been there, I should've protected her like my cowardly father couldn't".

Rosalie's back straightened and her lips were a tight line "I didn't scream", she stated proudly "Not once, I didn't want to give them the satisfaction".

I heard the loud scraping of one of the chairs against the floor and turned to see Bella mutter an apology and race for the door.

"Em, please continue Rosalie", June said as Meredith stared at the door in concern.

"Jasper arrived home after those men left and found my mother dead and me curled up in my room", she mumbled softly, her head hung in shame.

"We went to live with our grandmother after that but she died a while ago so we were put into foster care and ended up with the Cullen's", Rosalie sighed as if that was it.

"Rose", I murmured "You need to tell them everything", her eyes were wide as she shook her head.

She sighed in defeat as she realised I was right. "When we were living with my grandmother, I stopped eating and after a while I started purging too".

"Rosalie", I said, prompting her to tell the whole story.

"Why did you feel the need to stop eating?" Meredith asked, scribbling in her notebook.

"Control I guess", Rosalie replied, "I hated that those men had such control over me, that I was so weak" she spat.

June frowned in disapproval but gestured for her to continue "But that way I had control, or at least I thought I did", Rosalie mumbled.

"I got to choose what I ate, or if I did at all", she fiddled with a strand of her long hair "But after we came to live with the Cullen's I began to realise that stopping myself from eating wasn't really helping at all, that it was actually my disorder that had control and that I was weak to it". I frowned at her wording, pretty sure that that wasn't the way the Esme and Carlisle had said it.

"After I figured that out I was determined to gain back control", she sighed heavily and her eyes darted around the room.

"Is something the matter Rosalie?" Meredith asked.

"I... I don't want to talk about this anymore".

June opened her mouth to speak but Meredith beat her to it "That's ok, I think it's about time everybody headed home anyway".

People filed from the room as they did every session but Rose stood and walked to the window, gazing out at the scene it held.

"You don't need to worry anymore Rose", I murmured softly, placing a hand on her shoulder "I will protect you", I stated forcefully.

"It's not enough Jazzybear", she mumbled, using her childhood nickname for me "I need to be strong enough to protect myself".

**Review Please.**

**So clearly somebody has control issues.  
I really hate this chapter it just didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. Sorry it's so short but the last one was long so.****  
**

**Review Please**


	14. Jasper's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**A big thank you to my beta haleyhoo.**

**Jasper Pov (After therapy session where Rosalie tells her story.**

"Hold on a minute", I called out to Alice, turning on my heel and heading back towards the community centre. Spotting June coming from the front entrance I changed course in the direction of the side door to retrieve my jacket, which I had accidentally left behind.

As I rounded the corner I found a hunched figure resting against the outside wall.

As I approached they raised their head and I recognised her as Bella.

I had forgotten about her sudden departure and had assumed she had just gone home. She blushed and raised a hand to wipe the damp streaks from her cheeks.

"You ok?" I asked. She nodded slightly and glanced around to check no one else was around.

"You left", I pointed out, she nodded again.

"While Rose was speaking", I said, hoping for a more eloquent response. Something close to horror flashed through her eyes and, on the spur of the moment, I sat down beside her.

"Weren't you interested in what she had to say? I asked curiously. She shrugged noncommittally.

A grin spread across my face. "Don't let Rose hear you say that", I chuckled, but she merely nodded again.

Something was clearly wrong but I chose not to push her.

"Are.... are you going to be talking next? Bella mumbled.

I shook my head and smiled at her inquisitive expression. My parents got the councillors to agree that I wouldn't have to tell my story during the group therapy sessions. I still have to in single therapy sessions though", I chuckled at Bella's curious face, and this girl didn't seem able to hide her emotions at all, strange considering why she was here.

"It's just something I'd feel more comfortable with, the same as with Alice, she doesn't have to go to one on one therapy".

I sighed as the curiosity on Bella's face failed to waver as I'd hoped it would.

"Would you like me to tell you what happened", I sighed. She did at least have the good grace to look a little sheepish.

"When those men came", I noticed Bella flinch but continued anyway "I wasn't there you know?" "I was out doing God knows what".

"I was the one who came home to find my mother dead and Rosalie... like that".

Bella nodded in understanding and bit her lip. "I was just so, so... angry", I stuttered, hating my lack of control. "I just saw red".

"The worst part was that I was so angry, I actually made Rose tell me what happened", I hung my head in shame of my selfish actions, flashes of Rosalie wailing as she told me what those men had done to her.

"I wanted a name", I explained hoping, though I didn't deserve it, that she would understand my reasoning for forcing Rosalie into telling me what they did.

"She did hear one", I murmured "but there were two men". "We knew who they worked for of course, not that we could prove it". "But I just wanted those two men, I wanted revenge for Rosalie and for my mother".

"The man's name was Carl, and I knew it wouldn't be all that difficult to find the other man. People are so quick to give names if they think it'll help themselves, not that it would".

I noticed Bella shift slightly further away from me and she smiled ruefully when she realised I had noticed.

"I did find Carl and he gave me the other man's name, Jeffery".

Bella's eyes were wide with innocent curiosity and I wondered if she had a strong stomach.

"Contrary to popular belief I didn't kill them", I shook my head; even Alice didn't fully believe that I didn't kill them.

"What did you do?" Bella asked softly.

I plunged my hand into my pocket and pulled out my well-polished pocketknife, I held it out in the palm of my hand for Bella to see.

"I really don't know why I carry this around", I murmured and I registered that Bella looked scared.

"I guess it makes me feel strong", I said, more to myself then to her "to have a little piece of evidence that I did protect my family".

"What did you do?" Bella whispered, fear lacing her words.

I saw the glint in my eyes reflected in Bella's and I smirked, somewhat smugly. "I made it so they could never do that to someone again".

Realization of what I meant dawned on Bella's face and she shifted further from me again.

I tucked my little keepsake back into my pocket and smiled ruefully at Bella. "You did ask", I reminded her.

She nodded absentmindedly, eyeing me cautiously.

"I spent two years in juvie, no court's going to go too hard on a kid who managed to drag in the city's biggest loanshark's two cronies".

"She was lucky", Bella murmured, "Not a lot of people would do something like that for their sister".

I cocked an eyebrow at Bella's sentimental view of my heinous crime.

"I only sort of did it for her Bella", I said slowly "I mostly did it for me, to prove that I was stronger then my father and that I could protect my family".

A haunting look filled Bella's eyes and she seemed to be in a world of her own.

Bella continued to stare at me for a long moment before standing and turning to walk away.

"Somebody hurt you, didn't they?" I called out to her "like those men hurt Rosalie".

Bella's back stiffened and she replied "goodbye Jasper" before briskly walking away.

**Review please. **

**So in case you didn't quite understand what Jasper meant by 'made it so they couldn't do that to anyone else', what he meant was that he basically cut their ding-a-ling off, disgusting I know but when Jasper gets mad he really gets mad. I hope you like this chapter, even though it was short.  
****Please review.**


	15. Feels Like Claustrophobia

**So sorry for the delay on this chapter, been getting ready for when school starts again.**

**A huge thank you to my beta haleyhoo.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Bella Pov**

"Angela", I nodded in acknowledgement, ignoring the whispers and stares as she began to walk alongside me. "Ignore them", she whispered skilfully from the corner of her mouth. I nodded and waved to Ben and Conner from across the room as I grabbed my lunch, before heading towards their table.

I smiled weakly at the Cullen's as I passed them and I noticed hope spark in Alice's eyes as she waved back, before noticing Angela frowning beside me.

"She's really nice you know", I commented as we sat down, turning my head as Ben kissed Angela in greeting.

Angela nodded absently before stabbing her fork into a helpless, wilting shred of lettuce.

I sighed and began eating lunch in silence, nodding at the appropriate times to something Ben or Conner said. I couldn't help thanking a higher power for making boys so oblivious. Well most of them, I glanced nervously to where Edward was sitting, his eyes fixed on my face.

I turned away, distracted by Conner asking me if he could have the rest of my soda. I nodded gently, smiling as he chugged it in one swift gulp, cheered on by Ben.

I shared a grin with Angela as she laughed at the two boys. Ben was sweet, and a good boyfriend to Angela and Conner, I had heard, had a huge crush on his Trig teacher. I appreciated whoever she was; glad I didn't have to worry about Ben and Angela trying to set us up, to make two couples. Apparently Conner's love was undying.

"Bella", I turned to see Mr. Banner standing beside me, huffing lightly and blowing stray strands of hair from his eyes "My wife is after going into labour", he announced, shifting from foot to foot. "Congratulations?" I mumbled, wondering what he was doing standing here talking to me.

"I'm in a hurry so I was wondering if you would clear out the biology store room after school, Mr. Cullen will help you", he gestured towards Edward "We have an inspector coming and it needs to be done", he huffed.

What could I really do? Say no? While his wife was in labour? I didn't want to be the cause of a marital rift if he didn't show up to the birth of his own child, so I nodded and muttered "congrats", again. Mr. Banner spun around and sprinted from the cafeteria.

"You want us to help you?" Angela asked, casting a wary glance at Edward. I shook my head and assured them I'd be fine. We continued lunch in silence until we heard the shrill ringing of the bell and scurried off to class.

I sat through my next four classes, anxiously chewing on my bottom lip and wholly ignoring my teachers. A whole evening with Edward. Would he stare? Would he speak? Would he even show up?

I stumbled my way to Mr. Banner's biology room after my last class, as the rest of the school slammed locker doors and flitted to and fro about the hallways.

Edward was leaning against the doorway when I entered, staring at me blankly as I picked up the list of tasks Mr. Banner had left on his desk. I scanned through it quickly and read out to Edward its instructions. He didn't respond, merely turned and headed into the biology storeroom.

It was a small space but big enough for two people to fit, even if a little cramped. The shelves were bulging with all sorts of contraptions and jars. The only neat shelf was one filled with chemicals, which Mr. Banner instructed us not to touch.

Edward left the door wide open and we set to it, silently working through each thing on the list. It wasn't an awkward silence, much to my surprise. It was in fact rather comfortable and though Edward's presence gave me goose bumps and made me feel extremely on edge, he wasn't nearly as frightening as I had first presumed. He was however very intimidating.

I checked my watch sometime after to find we had been here well over a half hour, I straightened and peered around the small storeroom. It seemed less cluttered and I thought that maybe now you could fit a least two and a half people in; Alice perhaps.

We didn't have much left to do, except for the back wall and so we both turned and continued sorting through the mess. Until a clear clicking noise rang through the silence followed by giggling, we both turned to see the door firmly shut behind us. Edward pulled on the handle, and when that failed he tugged on it harshly. Though his face remained relatively blank, he did gulp noticeably and panic began to settle in his eyes.

"There's no use", I mumbled, sitting down on the ground. I no longer felt like cleaning this place.

I looked up to notice Edward had moved a little bit away from the door and now stood to the side, facing the wall. He stood so close to the wall, as though he wanted to disappear into it and I couldn't help but wonder at the way Rosalie and Jasper talked of him, the boy before me now was certainly feeling something.

As time passed I watched Edward unabashedly, he didn't even seem to notice. I had ripped off my sweater as the room became stuffy and my hands turned clammy, but Edward didn't even notice.

He looked so small and childlike as he stood in front of the wall, his eyes wide and his breaths growing heavy. He slowly lifted one arm and placed it on the wall, seeming to have no control as it slid down, leaving a trail of sweat behind it.

I didn't really mind so much, I found comfort in the small-enclosed space and the heavy air that wrapped around me.

I had a feeling though that Edward may have been claustrophobic, his chest heaved and his panicked eyes darted back and forth between the door and wall. His hunched shoulders shook slightly and he clenched his fingers in the form of a fist before releasing it again, I watched as the boy of stone crumbled before me, tears silently streaming down his cheeks.

I hesitantly reached out to touch him, to shake him from his stupor, but in that moment the door flung open, revealing Mrs. Pearse, the home economics teacher, who stared down at Edward in shock as he scrambled to his feet and burst from the room, sprinting out the class door.

After a moment I stumbled towards the window to see Edward sitting on the cement car park floor, his chest convulsing with his deep sobs and his voice, a sweet velvety voice laced with anguish, call out "No, no not her".

**Review Please.**


	16. Only A Mother's Love

**I am so, so, so sorry for not updating. I would promise not to be late again, but I can't promise that but I will try. I hope this chapter helps redeem me at least a little.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.  
Esme Pov**

"Esme! Carlisle! Come quick!" Alice's voice was shrill and alarmed as she called out for us to come. I rushed out to the hall, heavy thudding rang in my ears which could only indicate Carlisle and Rosalie were coming downstairs to see what the matter was.

In the hall, the front door was shut tight; though I had left it open. Alice was sitting at the end of the stairs, her face hidden in her hands. Emmett and Jasper stood in the entrance of the living room, there eyes wide and frightened.

And sitting crumpled at the foot of the door was Edward, his body heaving with his breaths and tears streaming down his face.

Carlisle stepped forward from behind me, gently placing a hand on my shoulder, a hand that was trembling.

"Edward?" Rosalie whispered concern etched in her voice.

And I, his mother, stood before the scene and watched my son cry, a crumpled heap on the floor, in frozen horror. Edward's chest rose and fell with his desperate breaths, breaths that came as gasps. His eyes were red and irritated, his cheeks flushed and his hair even messier then usual. He looked utterly broken.

"Mom?" Rosalie hissed, "Do something", she urged. I didn't answer, merely continuing to stare listlessly at my son.

It seemed so like when he was a boy, before Alice and Emmett had joined the family. I had been so desperate for a child of my own, my heart calling out to the little boy with the strange hair and sad eyes.

I had deceived myself into believing I could heal him, fully and completely. Our relationship had begun in an instant, from the moment I had gently told him, as he had cried and flushed with embarrassment, not to worry, even Carlisle had wet his bed when he was a little boy.

It was when we brought Edward home with us and tucked him into his new bed, night after night once we had turned our backs, our little boy would cry to himself until he fell into a fitful sleep and would scream and scream "Not her".

He never seemed to notice when I would climb into his little single bed with the Pokémon bedspread and hold him as he cried. Maybe he did notice and chose not to acknowledge it; maybe he was ashamed or embarrassed.

He would cry less and less as he grew and as our family grew his crying stopped and Edward became distant. Carlisle and I had assumed he was jealous or felt left out but Edward loved his siblings and enjoyed the time we spent together as a family.

And then everything stopped, Edward stopped; he became a shell of his former self. Physically he was fine, but mentally and emotionally; he was shattered.

And now he was so very like that little boy again, where everything once again came crashing down on him, he was lost, alone and terrified.

"Mom", Rosalie hissed again, nudging me toward Edward. "Do something", she mumbled "he needs you.

It seemed to take hours for the realisation that this was Edward, my little boy and he needed me, now more then ever. In reality it could only have taken seconds.

I stepped forward hesitantly and kneeled beside him. Gently I placed my hand on his shoulder and turned him toward me, Edward's chest heaved once in an attempt to control his cries before he spluttered out a soft "not her" and crumbled against me.

I wound my arms around him, tucking his chin under my head as his body rocked with sobs and fat angry tears streamed down his face. I motioned Emmett and Carlisle forward and they took Edward by the shoulders and steered him upstairs.

I followed behind, running my fingers through Edward's hair like I did when he was a child.

Emmett and Carlisle hovered by the doorway as I tugged off Edward's shoes, he didn't seem to notice as he continued to cry. I waved my husband and son away, promising to come down once Edward was asleep, Carlisle caught my eye and I think we both knew it was a blatant lie but he didn't call me out on it.

Slowly I tugged the covers up to Edward's shoulders; they were plain now, blue. He probably didn't even remember the Pokémon covers, but I did.

Edward turned on his side, his hands curled into fists under his head, like he always did.

I turned away, heading for the leather sofa tucked into the corner but Edward's hand shot out and grasped my wrist, he held on too tightly as he rasped for me to stay and his short nails dug into my skin, but I didn't mind, because his eyes were frantic, and alive.

I nodded and gently smoothed his hair from his forehead, Edward's eyelashes fluttered and a few tears escaped as he flopped back down again. I pulled the covers back and climbed in beside him, wrapping my arms loosely around his shoulders, he buried his head in the crook of my neck as I crooned a lullaby to him.

He didn't sleep and the only disruption of the peace was the vibrant shudders his sobbing racked through him and his gentle murmurs of "not her.

I did sleep, and as I did my dreams were of a small Edward quivering as he did now, but in fear. A dark hand struck out towards him and Edward's back bristled but he made no move to protect himself, instead turning and shielding a figure he held from my view.

It would seem that Edward was always hiding something from us, from me and I willed him to turn and reveal who he hid, knowing in my heart that it was "her.

**I hope you liked it. Drop a review.**


	17. Did you see?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Carlisle Pov**

I had slept fitfully, waiting for Esme despite knowing she wouldn't come. I needed her reassuring presence though I knew Edward needed her more.

My children were anxious, pacing and jumpy, waiting on Edward to come downstairs or for Esme to tell us something new.

She had flitted downstairs once or twice for necessities and to tell us that Edward was much the same as yesterday.

I myself was sitting on the edge of the living room sofa, pinching the bridge of my nose.

I did jump when I heard a soft knock on the door, I had called in sick at the hospital and the children had taken the day off school, so we weren't expecting any visitors.

Alice trudged to the door slowly and swung it open revealing a petite young girl with brown hair covering her face.

"Bella?" Alice greeted in a monotone unfamiliar to the Alice I knew.

"Em… hey Alice", the girl, Bella mumbled.

I approached the door slowly and held a hand out to Bella "Hello", I said clearly, attempting to soothe her nerves "Can we help you with something?"

"You're not hurt are?" Alice asked.

Bella shook her head and took a deep breath before speaking "I… I was wondering how Edward was?" she whispered shyly.

"Edward", Alice questioned, the colour draining from her face.

"He seemed, upset the last time I saw him", she said nervously.

I shared a wary look with Alice before waving Bella inside and telling her to sit.

"What happened Bella?" I asked quietly as Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett walked in.

Bella's eyes darted around the room before she spoke, barely above a whisper "We were cleaning out the Biology store room for Mr. Banner", she said slowly "when the door locked behind us". Bella stopped speaking then, as if she thought we'd be able to fill in the blanks.

"And then what?" Jasper prompted.

Bella looked up in surprise "Well you know, Edward's claustrophobia kicked in I guess".

I rocked back on my heels slightly, bile rising in my throat as I realised that this girl whom I'd never met before knew more about my own son then I did.

"Claustrophobia?" Rosalie asked, her brow knitting in confusion.

"Well yeah, that's what I assumed it was", she murmured "He started breathing heavily and I think, well I think he was crying".

I nodded and sighed, rubbing a hand over my face.

"Carlisle what does this mean?" Jasper inquired.

"A past trauma maybe, might've triggered this reaction", I replied.

Bella looked around in confusion but politely decided not to say anything apart from a simple "Is Edward ok?"

"He'll be just fine", a soft voice came from behind us. I turned to see an exhausted Esme descending the stairs.

She kissed my cheek gently and thanked Bella for coming, she seemed like a nice girl but we didn't have the energy to handle a school mate.

"Did you see it?" Emmett asked aloud after Bella had left.

"Yeah", Jasper replied sadly.

"What?" Esme asked, sharing a concerned look over Alice's wrist.

Emmett shook his head "On Bella's wrists", he muttered "fresh marks".

**Review please. **

**P.s I posted a link to a banner for this story on my profile, it's not much so if you guys are better at that sort of thing, I'd appreciate if you'd have a go.**


	18. Unrecognisable

**It would mean a lot to me if you would read my new story Judgements and Assumptions. I really think you'll like it and you won't have to worry about slow updates as I've already finished writing it. It's very short too.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Bella Pov**

He didn't come to school, and now I was sure I had done something wrong. It was clear in his families faces too, in the rushed way they urged me from their home and the wary looks they exchanged. They didn't trust me and they blamed me.

But then, I blamed me too. I must have done something, to set him off, to make him behave like that.

Surely a guy who had shown no signs of life beyond a pulse and breath didn't just randomly break down and cry.

Then maybe it wasn't me, I hadn't actually done anything after all and he didn't know me, not really. I didn't do anything to him so it couldn't be my fault, right? But then I seemed to have this effect on people, set them off, sparked all those negative emotions stored in a person.

It was time I faced the truth, bad things happened when I was around. It seemed like a simple enough revelation, but then it was so much more complicated then that because honestly what had I ever done to deserve that faith.

He didn't come to our therapy session either, I knew because my eyes scanned the room shamelessly when his siblings entered.

There were no break throughs today, his family didn't speak much and they looked utterly depressed, even chirpy little Alice.

They didn't look at me, no hateful glares and I allowed myself to hope that maybe it hadn't been something I did that upset Edward.

I found myself missing it somehow, Alice's curious, or as I put it in my own head; nosy, glances and her bubbly energy, Emmett's deep rumbling laugh, Jasper's quiet strength. I even missed Rosalie's critical looks as she inspected my clothes and I found myself, unbelievably, missing Edward's unnerving, unwavering stare.

I guess I missed having friends, though I knew the Cullen's couldn't quite be called friends, they were the closest I'd get. The Cullen's could understand me, not fully but better then my grandmother, my dad and Angela ever could.

As I sat in my bed thinking over why on earth I would miss Edward, I suddenly realised how alike we were, Edward was hiding something as was I and he was scared, so scared. Of what I couldn't be sure but his silence confirmed this.

I sat by Alice in my Trig class and I had whispered as gently as I could if Edward was ok. She had nodded and smiled grimly as she patted my arm sympathetically.

Edward didn't come in to school, he didn't come to therapy, he never stepped foot outside his door and I was worried about him, more worried then was healthy. The daily fresh cuts along my body were firm proof of this.

**Jasper Pov**

Edward hadn't left his bedroom in a week, and Esme hadn't left his side much more then that.

We entered as little as possible, only a mother and father could withstand the emotional turmoil that filled the air.

Edward hadn't stopped crying and Carlisle was wary of giving him anti-depressants for fear he became as much of a zombie as before, it was his role as a father ruling over his role as a doctor.

I could understand his crying though, an emotional standstill like he had experienced before, Edward had stopped feeling, stopped being and to so suddenly have it all come flooding back was bound to be a shock. His emotions were overwhelming, loud and demanding to be heard.

The house was silent, everyone else in bed when I heard creaking on the stairs. I looked up to see Edward hesitantly creeping down the stairs. He started when he spotted me but proceeded to the couch beside me anyway.

He sat down, nodding in recognition to me and fell silent. Slow tears crept down Edward's cheeks, though he didn't seem upset.

"You're not planning to run away are you?", I asked warily. He shook his head seriously and I rose, feeling awkward.

"Will you stay?", he croaked out as I made my way to the stairs "Just for a while".

I nodded, albeit reluctantly. The Edward I knew was silent and solitary, this Edward was different; sad and tired.

I sat on the armchair as Edward lay on the couch near me and as his breathing slowed and eyes relaxed their constant streams of tears, Edward mumbled "Jasper, will you tell Bella I'm ok, she doesn't understand what happened".

I agreed even though he was asleep by then and settled into the armchair, preparing for speaking to Bella about a brother I didn't recognise on a subject I didn't understand.

**Review Please. And a reminder guys; It would mean a lot to me if you would read my new story Judgements and Assumptions. I really think you'll like it and you won't have to worry about slow updates as I've already finished writing it. It's very short too. Please read it! I worked seriously hard on it and the second chapter will be up by either tonight or tomorrow if I can get at least four reviews.**


	19. You Matter

**I am so sorry for not updating, school has been kicking my ass. I can't promise to update soon, but I will try.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Song: Ignorance by Paramore.**

**Jasper Pov**

I shook her shoulder gently rousing Alice from her fitful slumber next to Edward's bedroom door. Emmett sat beside her a blanket strewn across their laps, he was asleep on Alice's shoulder.

Alice's eyes fluttered and one side of her hair stuck up at odd ends, she rubbed her eyes of sleep before spotting me.

"You missed him", I whispered "he was downstairs only a moment ago".

Alice's face fell and her shoulders sagged. I sighed and flopped down beside her pulling at my fringe nervously as Alice wound one hand with mine.

"He's different", I muttered, attempting to be diplomatic.

Alice shook her head and averted her eyes from mine, towards Edward's door "He's back to who he was…. Before".

I wanted to tell Alice what Edward had said, wanted to tell her how he seemed but it seemed wrong. Edward came to _me_ with this information, he trusted me with it. I wasn't sure how I felt being his confidant, I barely felt like his brother.

"Come to bed sweetheart", I murmured but Alice shook her head and whispered that Edward needed her. I wasn't sure what Alice expected of Edward but I wasn't holding out hope on him suddenly being a brother.

**(The next day)**

Edward didn't come to therapy again, he stayed locked up in his room with Esme.

It was a bit unfair that Edward got to stay behind but when Rose complained Esme and Carlisle acted like she'd just said something along the lines of supporting communism.

Bella was there though, and Edward's words rang in my head. It seemed odd that someone so cold and distant could do a complete U-turn and suddenly be so concerned over someone they didn't even know.

I met Bella at the entrance to the centre while I was smoking a cigarette. She said she was there for a breather and wrapped her arms around herself.

I breathed out the cigarette smoke away from Bella and muttered nonchalantly "I have a message for you from Edward".

Bella started, her hair whipping against her pink cheeks, she looked up at me expectantly.

"He says he's ok and it's not your fault he got so upset", I threw my cigarette to the ground and stubbed it with my toe.

She asked what happened as I shoved my hands into my pockets and I replied I didn't know, Edward had always been a little odd.

"Why'd he want you to tell me", she asked timidly, anxiously.

My face pulled into as bitter grimace, remembering Alice sleeping outside his bedroom door, and said as I was turning away "Cause apparently you matter more then the rest of us.

**Review Please!**


	20. Meeting New People

**Things I own: ****A Polyvore account I spend far too much time on, a Home Economics book I never look at and a bowl of garlic potatoes that I intend to make last the week.**

**Things I don't own: ****Body heat, the ability to walk in a straight line and Twilight. **

**Alice Pov**

"Bella", I sang as I skipped to her side, admiring her little doodles over her shoulder. She seemed perplexed as she greeted me and I grinned "I decided I'm not much of a cook and switched to Art.

Bella smiled and asked if they usually allowed that, I said no but decided not to reveal how I persuaded Ms. Cope to let me switch.

"Are you coming to therapy this weekend", I asked as I dragged a bag of clay to our desk and tore it open.

Bella hushed me, peering around her to ensure no one had heard and whispered that she would be there. "Great!" I thrilled "Edward will be there too", Bella's eyes snapped up to meet mine "E….Edward?" she asked uneasily.

"Yeah", I teased "you know nay high, red hair, doesn't talk much", Bella scowled and said "I know who Edward is Alice".

We worked in mutual silence as I moulded my clay into little roses, for Mom.

"Is he, ok?" Bella asked suddenly and I eyed her curiously "Edward you mean?" she nodded, a pale blush forming on her cheeks.

"Yeah. Why?" I raised an eyebrow at Bella and she tugged at her sleeves nervously "It's nothing, just something Jasper said".

I decided not to ask anything more until Bella turned to me suddenly "So what's the deal with you and Jasper?" she asked with a smirk "are you dating?".

I felt warmth climb up my neck and pool in my cheeks, I sniffed in feigned indifference and said "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about", before turning back to her and giggling.

"Well yeah, soft of", I admitted and Bella laughed "Sort of?"

I chewed on my lip before answering "It's not official" Bella laughed loudly and clutched her stomach, trying to hold in her giggles "Not official?", she gasped.

I swatted Bella's shoulder playfully and admitted "So he hasn't actually asked me out, or kissed me or…well anything", Bella snorted and ducked under the table so Ms. Goff wouldn't notice.

My cheeks flushed and I bet down to Bella's level hissing "It's going to happen. Soon", I insisted.

"Clairvoyant are we?" she snorted again and I straightened, grinning knowingly and tapping my finger to my nose "It will happen Bella", I said firmly and winked at her "And I don't think I'm the only one who's going to be falling in love".

**Jasper Pov**

"She's my new best friend", Alice exclaimed as she ran the carrots under the tap. And then she stood stock still for a moment as a realization came to her "Well actually she's going to be my _first_ best friend. Who isn't also my sister", she amended to Rosalie who merely smiled.

"She's awesome cool Rose, you're going to love her", Alice thrilled, brandishing a vegetable peeler in one hand, prepared to peel the carrots. I stood and removed the peeler from Alice's hand, nudging her away from the sink and began peeling in her place.

"I'm sure I will", Rosie said dryly to appease her.

"And she has an awful fashion sense", Alice pointed out, sounding altogether too excited by this news "So we can make her over", she announced.

Rosalie rolled her eyes but said nothing.

"Oh I know!" Alice yelled, a carrot flying from her hand. She turned to Carlisle, her eyes formed in the typical puppy dog pout and her hands clasped before her "Please can we have a sleepover?" she begged.

"Sleepover?" Esme's voice came as she entered the room, tugging a miserable looking Edward after her. It was his first time downstairs in the presence of the entire family and Emmett, the bumbling oaf stood immediately to swing Edward up into his arms in Emmett's version of a bro-hug. Edward cringed away from him and stepped closer to Esme.

"Erm Mom?" Alice said innocently, dragging Esme's attention away from Edward for a moment. "Can I _please have_ Bella over for a sleepover, she's my best friend", she said sweetly.

Esme's eyes flickered to Edward "I don't know Alice…" but Carlisle cut her off "I think that's a good idea Alice, Bella's new she can't have made too many friends just yet".

Alice squealed loudly and carrots went tumbling out of her arms as she hugged Carlisle and was off screaming her plans of 'girl fun' with Rosie and Bella.

Carlisle laughed and began to pick up Alice's discarded carrots.

Edward slowly sat himself at the kitchen table and I noted that his eyes held grey circles beneath them, his skin was too pale and his mouth was set in a thin line. His eyes weren't dead like before but they were sad, as if waking up hadn't been any better then sleeping.

We all watched him surreptitiously but he remained still and quiet and the others turned away. So I was quite sure that I was the only one to see his mouth form a silent word that I was almost sure was 'Bella'.

**Review Please. Just a filler chapter to tide you over really but I'd like to hear what you have to say anyway.**


	21. Running Away

**Please guys check out my original stories on Fiction press, there is a link on my profile. **

**And please check out my new one-shots on my fan fiction profile.**

**A huge thank you to my beta Haleyhoo.**

**And I have to say guys you must watch Alice In Wonderland in 3D it's amazing.**

**Chapter Song: Tears for Affairs by Camera Obscura. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I do however own an awesome cool touch-pad mp3 with a great deal of indie music stored on it. **

Time passed slowly after Alice's sleepover, it was fun I suppose. Alice had everything planned down to a T and the night was spent comfortably by all even me, for the most part.

Only blemished when I came to the shameful realization that I was secretly hoping Edward would turn up, because I wanted to make sure he was ok though I knew it was no business of mine.

Alice had hugged me when I left and Esme gave me a foil covered plate of cookies and they told me to come again soon, but I didn't.

Alice was sweet and nice and she would make a goof friend, but that didn't mean I would. I knew for politeness sake that I should invite Alice and Rosalie to mine for a sleepover but I couldn't bring myself to ask, did I really want them to see my cluttered poky little home, Charlie drinking beer on the couch and shouting at the tv and the dishes I still hadn't gotten around to cleaning?

And I was more then a little afraid of how often my thoughts turned to their brother, I couldn't wipe the image of him panicking in the closet from my mind.

So I hung out with Alice in art and avoided her offers home or out and tried to bite my tongue and stop myself from asking about Edward.

I had conveniently found a new quiet place to hang out though, which was surprising considering this was Forks and everyone knew where everything was.

It wasn't much, a crumbling wall facing the bus stop nobody used anymore because there was a new one across town. It was quiet though and Charlie didn't know about it, or at least that I went there. I read there or sometimes just sat, you could see the Cullen's home from that spot and my own, the contrast was startling.

I could see the entrance to the town too and the long windy road leading out of Forks, I intended to become very acquainted with that road.

And on _that_ day it was exactly where I needed to be, to clear my head. I dumped my bag at home before throwing myself back into my truck and driving there immediately. But there was someone there.

A tall slumped figure with lanky legs stretched before them. The person was male, I could tell by the distance between his legs, no girl sat like that. And he wore a bottle green sweater with the hood up.

I sat silently beside him, both of us staring out towards the Cullen home, white and serene in appearance.

I wasn't sure if he had noticed my presence, neither of us said a word and the only sound was the gentle hum from Edward's earphones.

Until his hand stretched out towards me, flat and unassuming, within lay one earphone.

I eyed him suspiciously for a long moment and he continued to stare out towards the house his cheeks a dull pink, and his arm almost seeming not to belong to him. But he kept it close to me until I finally and hesitantly clasped the little bud in my own hand and gingerly placed it in my ear.

Camera Obscura played softly, Tracyanne Campbell's voice floating out towards us both. I recognised the song as 'Tears For Affairs'.

"You like Camera Obscura?", I asked stupidly, staring at his profile. He nodded gently and we continued listening.

The silence became stretched and I eventually broke it "I saw them live once", I muttered "they were just incredible".

That had been a long time ago though, my mother had brought me.

His response was quiet and barely audible "I've seen them a few times too". I couldn't help my smile, it was small but very genuine.

"I only saw them the once", I continued, and just because I was compelled to I said "with my mom, she didn't like them much", a huge smile spread across my face and Edward finally turned to me "she was more into power ballads she could sing along to but she knew I liked them so she surprised me with tickets".

And Edward didn't ask anything more, he didn't ask where my mother was or what had happened. Because somehow he must've seen that it was too painful to tell so he merely changed the song and curled his baby finger around mine.

**Review Please! I hope you liked this, finally some Edward/Bella interaction. And I must say guys Camera Obscura are the greatest. I love indie music so I'll probably mention my favourite bands a lot. **


	22. Waffles

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight but I do own a steaming cup of tea and a chocolate bar I shouldn't be eating before dinner.**

**Thanks to Haleyhoo my awesomely cool beta.**

**Chapter Song: Lille by Lisa Hannigan.**

**Bella Pov**

I saw Edward a lot more now, sitting by the wall and he would always share his music with me. Indie, rock, sometimes classical it differed by day and mood.

I considered bringing my own I pod but I liked sharing the earphones with Edward and discussing his song choices.

I could almost assume what we would listen to by Edward's eyes, they had changed from before. Not alive and frantic or cheerful like Alice's but soft, gentle.

We avoided talking of anything personal, though I asked him more then once about his family. His answers were short and to the point if he chose to answer at all.

Until one day he turned and asked me why I had moved to Forks. I thought for a moment, a frown forming on my brow and said it couldn't have been helped, but that was a lie.

In school Alice asked again if I would come over to her house soon, on the weekend maybe and I somehow found myself agreeing.

She yelled and cheered and promised to make it fun but my thoughts had already turned back to the copper haired boy waiting for me by our wall.

I knew he waited for me by the wall because he had told me so. He still wasn't back in school; his mother was teaching him at home for a while. And I supposed that he really only came because he needed to get away. The Cullen's were lovely but it was my guess that they were a tad overbearing.

He was sick of his house and home and family and the four white walls of his bedroom, which Esme had painted in the hopes of soothing him. So he came to the wall to listen to music and see me. I asked him if he waited _very long _for me and he said 'not very'.

We sat side by side on a Saturday morning listening to Florence and the Machine when Edward's back went rigid and suddenly he stood yanking the earphone from my ear and grabbing my hand.

He dragged me away from the wall and down the narrow street and driveway to his house. I should've asked where it was we were going but I was busy marvelling at how quickly his feet moved and how often mine stumbled.

I expected him to drag me up his porch steps too and I didn't think I was the only one surprised by Edward's actions judging by the eyes peering out from his living room window.

He dug through his jeans pocket before pulling out his car keys and opening the garage door. The key was shiny and swung carelessly on the end of the ring. It was one of those manual doors and I admired his strength as he pulled it up.

He pushed me gently inside and I found myself among a row of neatly lined cars and one motorbike, all clean and sparkly and very obviously expensive.

He pulled me towards a silver one, the least conspicuous one of them, especially next to the dark Mercedes that looked far too polished.

Edward was quick to unlock the door and hurriedly gestured me into it. I admired the interior as I sat uneasily in the passenger seat. It had that new car smell, not that I was all that familiar with the smell.

The glove compartment was lined with cds and I didn't bother to ask before throwing in a cd; Lisa Hannigan who I didn't recognise but enjoyed none the less. Edward grinned at my choice and mentioned that she was Irish.

He brought me to a waffle place; it was poky and clearly confused as it vacillated between French waffles and American style grub. 'Gender confused' I giggled.

It struck me as odd that Edward would eat waffles but he must have because he ordered a huge mountain of them and smothered them in syrup.

I got mine with little chocolate drops that melted in the dips of the waffle, the way my dad ate them.

I had never seen Edward as carefree as he was when eating waffles.

We fought like typical teenagers as he wrestled me for one of my waffles and we giggled gleefully when Edward dripped syrup all over both our laps until we pushed our plates together and ate off both plates.

I asked him why he had brought me to that place and he shrugged with his mouth full of waffle as he said dryly that he wanted waffles.

He ordered himself a second plate with strawberries and ice-cream, and syrup. I looked gross but I ate some anyway and laughed when Edward tried to pull the plate away from me, sticking his tongue out at me, waffle and ice-cream and all.

Edward was just digging into his last waffle when a large shadow loomed over us and for a moment, it was grade school again. Where the bully comes to you and you know in the pit of your stomach they don't want to play dolls with you.

Our bubble had been broken.

I was relieved to see though that it was just Edward's siblings, and like spiders they looked more scared of us. Probably because I had chocolate all over my face.

They were here to take us both home and informed Edward pretty pointedly that it was time to go. Edward looked defeated, particularly when someone mentioned something about medication. Edward's cheeks turned pink uncharacteristically and I quickly agreed it was time to go.

I mentioned promising to go fishing with Charlie, though I hadn't. Edward saw through me I was sure but the others seemed appeased.

Rosalie seemed eager to bring me home but Edward dragged me to his car anyway. I was beginning to guess Edward wasn't one to share. Not that Rosalie really cared; I think she just wanted to get me away from Edward.

The drive home was quiet, Edward seemed put-out and embarrassed by his family's appearance, I could only imagine what it would have been like if Charlie had showed up.

He parked in front of my Dad's and left the engine running. I figured I had best go, Edward seemed thoughtful.

"Will you be there tomorrow?" I asked nervously, playing with the sleeve of my shirt. He nodded, smiling and I knew he knew that I meant the wall.

As I was stepping out of the car Edward's hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. "Are you coming over for Alice soon?" he asked and I nodded muttering "Friday after school".

"She could do with a friend", he whispered imploringly and suddenly his lips curled into a grin "And I could do with a waffle companion". He looked very boyish as he asked me to come with him again next Saturday. I agreed and waved Edward off as he tore from the little cul-de-sac.

Waffle companion? It was a step in the right direction, towards friend.

**Review Please. This was four and a half pages when I wrote it first, but editing broke it own so sorry it's shorter. **

**If Emmett is the cookie monster Edward is the waffle monster. Reviews sate Edward's hunger for waffles. **

**Florence and the Machine are so great, and accessible anyone will like them and Lisa Hannigan has such a lovely sound. Check her out on you tube. **


	23. Battle Scars

**Sorry for the slow update, I had an Irish test that had to be studied for and then a French one set immediately after. **

**I don't own Twilight, not at all.**

I rubbed my hands roughly over the tea towel, wiping away any excess water and setting Charlie's dinner on the table, he smiled gratefully before digging in and we ate in silence.

Charlie patted his stomach contently after pushing his empty plate away and smiling broadly "I was thinking Bells", he started "maybe we should do something this weekend?", he smiled sheepishly and waited for me to speak.

"This Friday", he offered and I tittered at his hopeful expression "I'm eh, going to Alice Cullen's for the night", I mumbled guiltily, suddenly aware of how little time I spent with Charlie.

I couldn't bear his disappointed face and fled upstairs, stumbling on the stairs and blinking back tears as I pulled out my old cardboard box, sighing with relief as I gripped the blades tightly in my hands, enjoying that precious moment before blood seeped from the wound.

I couldn't bear the disappointment; Charlie's, Alice's, my mothers.

--------D--B-------

On Friday I drove to the Cullen home with Alice, she disappeared up the stairs immediately, complaining about sticky boys and I vaguely got the impression that she was going to have a shower.

I was a little surprised that she had abandoned me in the hallway and wondered if maybe she meant for me to follow, so I did.

I followed her as far as the second floor corridor, stopping before Alice's door, which had a sparkly sign hanging from the door know that read "Rose & Alice's room" in bold pink letters.

But I didn't open the door, instead I continued up another flight of stairs leading to the converted attic claimed as Edward's bedroom.

His door was plain and unmarked, unlike the others in the house and I knocked gently twice waiting only a short moment before pushing the door open.

Edward stood with his back to the door, pulling his shirt up over his head.

It wasn't Edward's well defined arm muscles or broad shoulders that caught and kept my attention, it was the wording written across the entire expanse of his back, not in ink but carved into his skin and preserved in the form of scars, trickles of blood forming on the scars.

Edward gasped as he spotted me and rushed to cover himself, "Bella", he acknowledged hesitantly.

I stared at him in blatant shock, the curious impulse to read the words coursing through me.

I noted a jar of cream sitting on his bed through my stupor. I gulped nervously before stammering "D…does t…that hurt?".

Edward shrugged and said, as nonchalantly as he could "Not usually, but I got a belt in my back". I knew my brow was knitted with concern and Edward shrugged again.

"Do you need help", I asked weakly gesturing to the cream and Edward nodded with reluctance.

I moved towards the bed in a hurry but Edward caught my arm as I moved and whispered to me "There's no need to, you know", he said expressly "tell anyone what you saw".

Edward sat stiffly on the end of the bed and I figured, what the hell, I sat myself behind him, placing my knees on either side of his waist and unscrewing the cap of the cream as Edward removed his shirt.

Blood seeped from his scars slowly and the words were clearly marked, carved deep most likely with a blunt knife or weapon of some sort.

But it was the words that scared me, words I had never seen before but feared none the lest.

"The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the

ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it."

"E…Edward", I whispered with nothing to say, Edward shook his head and gestured for me to begin.

I rubbed the cream in gently, in rhythmic circles, hoping to ease some pain as I noted his flinches in certain tender areas.

"Edward who did this?", I asked gently, too shocked to cry, though I knew I would eventually.

Edward smiled grimly and shook his head "It isn't important Bella". I disagreed but said nothing more.

The room was entirely silent, excepting the creak of water pipes somewhere around us and a patter of feet on the bottom floor.

As I was rubbing along Edward's shoulders the door creaked open to reveal Esme, who stood gaping at us and I suddenly remembered our compromising positions.

It took only a moment for Esme to remember herself and rush from the room. Edward pulled his shirt back on as the strangeness of the day crept upon me and I began to laugh, hysterically.

"Y… You k…know what she t…thinks we were doing, r…right?", I gasped between bellowing laughs.

Edward's face was blank before he began to laugh as well, howling when I fell from the bed clutching my sides.

"Bella get off the floor", he chuckled, grinning as he stretched his hand out to help me to my feet.

Edward pulled harshly on my arm and I fell against him, my arms falling around his shoulders. Edward winced at the contact and our carefree attitude lifted to reveal the sombre undertones.

"She doesn't know does she?", I asked, pressing my fingers lightly against his shoulder. "None of them do", he admitted.

Before I could stop myself, or convince myself I didn't want to, I pulled Edward tightly to me, hugging his tall frame to mine.

**Review Please! **


	24. Only You Can Heal Me

**Very sorry for the update fail, I was having trouble getting this chapter to where I wanted it to be. It is a bit short but hopefully you'll like it anyway.**

**A huge thank you to my beta Haleyhoo.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Bella Pov**

"Get out of the car Edward", I instructed, attempting to keep my weary tone at bay. Edward sat in the driver's seat of his shiny Volvo clutching the steering wheel and staring blankly at the tall grey building before us.

"You said you'd help", he accused, and his eyes barely glancing towards me "you just want to leave and go to 'Budget Cd's and Tapes".

Edward grimaced at the name and I grinned, he hated that store, claiming it to be generic and unoriginal, which, even the name was testament to. It was the closest record store to Forks so I figured I could survive being generic and unoriginal for the day.

"Edward, get out of the car", I stressed "you'll miss your appointment". Edward crossed his arms and mustered up a mighty pout, he was such a baby.

"Only if you come with", he offered, I sighed and reached over, unbuckling Edward from his seat "I'm not going to hold your hand Edward".

The pitiful attempt at a grin was wiped from his face and he wrung his hands nervously, his jaw clenching and unclenching with rhythm. "I don't think I'm ready Bella", he whispered.

Gently I reached out and placed my hand on the back of his neck, moving his head to rest on my lap, it was an awkward position and I was sure his legs were uncomfortable but he didn't resist, allowing me to stroke his hair and assure him that he would be fine.

"And when you're finished", I whispered in as soothing a tone as I could "we'll go eat something and discuss…. The Moldy Peaches maybe".

His head rose minutely "Promise to be open minded?" he requested. It took some grumbling but I eventually agreed.

He glanced nervously at the building again and then back to me "I don't need a therapist", he insisted, shaking his head at my doubtful expression "no really, I'll just talk to you Bella".

Gently clasping Edward's face between my palms and lifting his head to eye level I whispered "You promised", I insisted "You get help, I get help. You pinky sweared".

I dropped Edward's face from my hands and gently he nuzzled my stomach before sighing and straightening in his seat. He squeezed my hand loosely and I momentarily wondered if we were maybe blurring the lines between friends and lovers.

I walked along the path, waving lamely at Edward's figure as he pushed open the large windowed doors leading to the psychology sector of the hospital.

I ambled slowly along the streets of Port Angeles before coming to my destination: 'Budget Cd's and Tapes'. It was as run down as every time I visited and its stock was meagre at best, but it did specialise in indie music so I tolerated even its generic name.

The floor space was cramped and cluttered and I didn't think they had changed the labels on the cds in years. There were even vinyl records for sale in a little tub in the corner, which oddly enough was one of the only reasons Edward would even set foot in here. He was an avid vinyl collector.

Sitting at the top counter with ear phones swung around his neck and long messy dreadlocks was a new cashier. His skin was tan and his t-shirt was grey and stained. He was totally hardcore grunge.

He gave me the universal guy/teenage nod and ignored me as I perused the racks. I quickly found Kimya Dawson's 'I'm sorry that sometimes I'm mean' album in the top racks, because they were too lazy to organize the cds by alphabet they just dumped the more 'recent' records at the top of the store.

Moldy Peaches 'Can you still feel the butterflies?" was conveniently behind it and I decided to buy it, just to prove to Edward that I was making an effort. It amazed me that anyone as fuck awesome as Kimya Dawson could form a band so shitty.

And just for the hell of it I picked up a copy of Neko Case's 'Middle Cyclone' because I had left my own copy in Arizona.

Dreadlock dude nodded amicably again as I approached the counter, it didn't escape my notice that he was using a jar for exchanging the cash and change, the register must've jammed again.

And because I couldn't find anything there interesting to look at my eyes fell on his arms, or more specifically his wrists, his well aged scar adorned wrists.

And I must've been staring because his own eyes fell to his wrists as my hand unconsciously drifted to tug at my sleeves, which also didn't escape his notice.

"You a cutter too", he acknowledged, not a question. He was nodding again, I wondered if he was stoned. It reminded me of those doggy bauble heads you see in the back windows of people's cars. I suddenly wondered if maybe I was stoned.

"I quit a good while back though", he carried on conversationally, his head suddenly darting up to meet my eyes "My name's Jake". I opened my mouth to respond but he was already speaking again, tugging at a makeshift locket hanging around his neck.

He opened it for me to look at and within was a picture of an Asian girl with long black hair and a very wide smile. She was holding hands with Jacob, though he looked distinctly more made-up.

"Emily", he said by way of explanation "she died two years ago in a car accident".

His eyes were sad though he continued to smile "I was so fucking devastated", only a small 'mmmm' was needed from me for him to carry on. "I read online that cutting gives you an adrenaline rush", he cocked an eyebrow at me "so I just kept at it."

My nod was one of agreement now, one of real sympathy. "But then I met Leah", his smile was suddenly huge and he pulled another locket of the same size from around his neck within was a picture of a tanned Native American girl with a sharp jaw and curly dark hair.

"They're nothing alike, Emily was so sweet and Leah's a hard-ass" he grinned happily as he gazed down at the two pictures side by side. "But I love 'em both".

I was suddenly eager for information and suddenly wished Edward was here so he could see the effort I really was making "How'd you do it? Quit, I mean. Did you do it for Leah?" my voice was pathetically keen to my own ears but he didn't seem to notice.

"I tried to do it for Leah", he muttered, letting the locket holding Emily's picture fall from his palm "But it doesn't work that way, you gotta do it for you, or you'll never be able to stop".

"Thanks", I whispered, turning towards the door as he called out to me "You looking to quit?" I nodded even though I wasn't sure if that was the right answer.

"Then I got only two pieces of advice for you", he said gruffly "do it for you and every morning and every night, look in the mirror and tell your reflection "Only you can heal me". It won't heal you, but it'll make you stronger".

With that he nodded and turned back to stare at the locket in his palm as he hummed the tune to M.A.S.H's 'Suicide is painless' which was blasting from the stereos above us.

**Review Please.**

**So a little Jake huh? I made him nice, which was hard for me even if he is a bit chatty. **

**Song for this chapter: ****The Mash - Suicide Is Painless (search Johnny Mandel because there has been quite a few covers)**

**And you are starting to see where the title of this story came from, huh?**


	25. Post It's

**I apologise now for a more than average amount of cursing in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I so do not own Twilight.**

**Edward Pov**

I felt ridiculous, utterly ridiculous, but I had _promised._

So I posted those ridiculous luminous yellow and green post-its, and even the pink ones Bella had picked up for me.

Stuck to every flat surface available in my bedroom, those irritating little post-its hung.

_Always do what you are afraid to do._

_The best way out, is always through. _

_Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we do fall. _

I was going to kill Bella.

_You can because you think you can._

_Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it. _

_Humour is healing. _

Slow, painful torture.

_To heal from the inside out is the key. _

_Only you can heal you._

She was _so_ dead.

And the other things she had me doing, like talking to myself in the mirror and writing in a journal, a fucking journal.

What really irked me was how that girl had me wrapped around her little finger.

But it was nothing compared to her room, I didn't think Bella could be so damn colourful. I hadn't thought she would take it quite so seriously when we promised to get help, to get better.

I wished I could go back, to before I made that stupid fucking promise, to before I had luminous post-its adorning every inch of my room.

To before I had to go to that ugly fucking grey building and talk to that _woman._ To before the time when I was suddenly required to spill all my secrets to some unknown patronizing stranger who thought they had a degree from some unnamed college that they were qualified to cure me.

But I couldn't go back, I couldn't even wish myself back because when I did I would see those scars on Bella and remember just how much she really needed to heal. And I didn't think Bella could do it without the knowledge that I was following her every step.

**--------D--B------- **

Monday evening I sat in a stuffy waiting room holding my mother's hand and scraping the heel of my right trainer against the lino floor.

Carlisle's eyes flickered across my face nervously, searching for signs of anxiety. His arm was draped across the back of my stiff chair, the kind we had in school. The pose was comfortable, but it was clear he had no idea what to do with himself, like he wanted to comfort me but didn't know how of if he should.

And I kinda wanted to let him, cause Bella had told me I needed to spend more time with Carlisle, but holding your father's hand when you're seventeen and not crossing the road was just weird.

Alice was flicking nonchalantly through some hair-style magazine and clucking her tongue every now and again when she saw something she clearly did not approve of. Rosalie sat beside her, picking disinterestedly at the underside of her long manicured nails, occasionally glancing at Alice's magazine.

Emmett and Jasper sat in the far corner, grinning stupidly and played slaps, trying to be quiet so Mom wouldn't catch them. But the resounding _thwack _of their skin was pretty noticeable, Mom was just ignoring them.

Stupid fucking Dr. Gregory popped her head out her office door and nodded at her receptionist; like she couldn't have just fucking told us to enter herself.

We stood as the receptionist, Moira I think, ushered us into the office, I figured she had better earn her money somehow, maybe by at least pretending to do her job.

Dr. Gregory's office was a dreary place, very impersonal and cold. Which was to be expected. I had asked her once, because what the fuck else was I going to talk about in therapy, she said that home was the safe place, you're not supposed to get attached to a therapy office.

Mom squeezed my hand and I vaguely squeezed back, smiling grimly. I sat on the cliché chaise long with Mom and Dad, Alice and Jasper sat on the loveseat and Emmett pulled Rose down onto his lap on the beanbag meant for children.

Dr. Gregory droned on about my treatment plan and the ground we've covered so far, which was basically zero. Mom and Dad listened attentively, throwing in a question here or there, but for the most part it was quiet.

Until Dr. Gregory decided silence wasn't good enough and started saying shit about how she wanted us to come here every week as a family and talk about _my _issues, and how they affected us as a unit.

I missed Bella, she would've giggled stupidly with me over the ridiculous things coming out of this woman's mouth.

And not only did she decide to betray my old friend; silence she decided she wanted to start talking about my issues _today._

"I was thinking", she began "that maybe you could all tell me how you feel about how Edward was before he started communicating again, and how it affected you", she smiled like she was proud of herself, for saying words, breaking my fucking silence yet again.

I had a feeling this woman had a calling to teach or something, cause she made us put our hands up when we had something to say, not that I did, but it was tiring just to watch the others do it.

There was a resounding silence for a moment, in which they all hesitated until Doc eventually volunteered Emmett to speak.

And I came _so_ close to groaning, cause no one could break the silence quite like Emmett fucking Cullen.

"Well", he started nervously, rubbing his palms across the flat of Rose's abdomen to stave off his nerves "I guess… it was kinda…. Hurtful", he attempted, his head swinging around to look apologetically at me.

Doc leaned towards Emmett, her librarian glasses slipping down her nose ever so slightly to complete the look, as if what he said was really fucking interesting or something "In what way did it hurt you Emmett?"

Emmett studiously avoided looking at me, twisting a lock of Rosalie's hair around his fingers as he answered "Well it was kinda like getting the cold shoulder, right?" he muttered "like we, his family, weren't enough".

Dr. Gregory nodded in sympathy and turned to face us properly "Did anyone else feel this way?" she asked expectantly. I was slightly peeved that everyone raised their hand, mostly for obeying that dumb ass rule.

"Edward," she said hopefully "do you have anything you would like to say?" I stared at her blankly and she nodded, irritated, before moving on.

"I have something I want to talk about," Rosalie cut in, her tone biting "_Bella"_.

Doc nodded along, like she had any idea who she was talking about and spewed some shit about how the rest of the family felt about Bella.

Like she was anyone else's business, like they knew her. They had no right to talk about Bella, none.

My fists were balled and my jaw locked until I was spun from my reverie by Alice turning to me and saying in an uncharacteristically muted voice "Why?" she was close to tears and furiously wiped them away with her sleeve "Why can you talk to her and not to us, your own family?"

"What makes _her so _different?"

**Review Please, sorry it took so long to get this out, my art exam was this week. It went well by the way. **


	26. More Than Them

**So sorry about the wait but my computer broke and it deleted the last two pages so I had to rewrite them. **

**I own nothing.**

**Bella Pov**

"I don't get the appeal", I said for about the tenth time. Edward sighed and paused his IPod halfway through the 'bus driver song`.

"It's meant to be funny Bella, it's dry humour", he huffed and shoved his arms into his coat pockets sulkily. "I don't have to like them", I reminded him, taking his IPod and switching the artist from Flight of the Choncords to Creeping Lovely, and Edward seemed appeased by the choice.

"How was the therapy session?" I finally asked, after spending the past half hour trying to work up the courage to ask.

Edward's back stiffened and he tucked his chin into his coat collar. He was planning on evading the topic. "Edward?"

After a moment he mumbled that it went fine, which was a very obvious lie.

Partly because my hands were cold and partly because he seemed to need the comfort I tugged his hand from his coat pocket and enclosed it in mine. "Tell me".

Edward's head flopped lazily onto my shoulder "Dr. Gregory's an idiot".

I chuckled humourlessly "Well golly gee, that explains so much".

"She wanted to talk about you" he mumbled, pouting. "Me?" Edward nodded gently, swiping his thumb across my palm, "About how you're affecting my recovery".

I stiffened at his words, chilled at the idea that Dr. Gregory was advising Edward to stay away from me.

Edward seemed to understand my apprehension and was quick to reassure me "She just wanted to talk about why I find it easier to talk to you than the rest of my family".

I waited a moment, willing him to continue. When he didn't, I felt forced to ask "And, why is that?"

Edward's smile was grim and his tone sombre, "You're just different I guess, just more…."

**-D-B-**

Charlie made a sad attempt at dinner, what resembled macaroni and cheese. He informed me it was my favourite when I was eight. It was hard to believe I'd lived to the age of eight eating this.

About halfway through pushing pasta around my plate and nodding along to talk about mackerel Charlie mentioned something about a school dance. I cut him off before he could really begin and informed him I had no intention of going.

He expressed a half hearted interest in knowing if the boys at school had asked me. "They don't like me", I mumbled. Charlie stroked the scruff on his chin and shook his head "I'm sure that's not true Bella, you're a pretty girl".

I picked up my plate, scraped the remains of dinner into the bin under the sink and dumped the dishes into the sink. "They think I'm a freak Charlie".

Charlie was quiet for so long that I thought the conversation had been dropped, until he spoke again, his voice oddly defeated "Don't you have any friends Bella?"

The words could have been mean, cruel even but they were in fact tender. I strolled around the table and dropped a kiss to my father's cheek "I have Angela and Alice and … Edward".

Charlie brightened at my words and suggested Edward takes me to the dance then. "Actually we were planning on staying at his house, watch some movies, and make fun of all our classmates…"

Charlie contemplated what I had said, undecided on whether he should play the dad card or let me have my fun, before finally shrugging and agreeing, digging into his food again. I kissed his cheek quickly, letting him know he needed to shave before skipping upstairs to my room.

Atop my bed lay a roll of tissue, a red towel and disinfectant and underneath that towel lay a razor, as of yet unused. I slipped it all into my school backpack and tossed it in the corner; I wouldn't need them tonight.

**-D-B-**

I rushed past Edward into his living room, where I knew there would be a roaring fire waiting. "It's freezing out there" I grumbled, pulling off my gloves and furiously rubbing my hands together to warm them.

I saw Esme in my peripheral, dressed in a cream draped dress, snapping pictures of Alice and Rosalie. Alice wore a pretty cream, rose patterned dress with the biggest pink bow I had ever seen and Rosalie was wearing a yellow knee-length dress. I wore a pair of scruffy jeans with an ink stain on the knee and a sweatshirt of Edward's I'd borrowed.

Carlisle wore a black suit and Emmett and Jasper wore crisp shirts and jeans. Edward was wearing crinkled jeans without any shirt. Yummy.

Edward draped an arm around my shoulders, watching his family with a touch of amusement as they bustled about the hallway getting ready. I'll admit to wrapping my arms around Edward just for the excuse to touch him.

We waved them all off before returning to the living room to watch Sweeney Todd and 9, because I was on a Tim Burton kick. We ate Doritos and dip and I shared my Skittles with him, because yeah, he was that special.

I lay with Edward's head on my lap, where he ignored the movie and opted for burrowing himself as far as possible into my lap and tickling my thighs.

Eventually Edward coaxed me into going upstairs with him, with promises of mix tapes and comfy pillows. We settled beside each other, and I pulled on a pair of Edward's socks over my own, for warmth.

I nestled one leg between Edwards, rubbing my socked feet against his ankles. Edward chuckled against my ear and playfully kicked my feet away.

Breaking Benjamin's 'Forget it' came on and Edward stiffened beneath me, I had noticed that any time we listened to this song Edward would stiffen or move away from me.

"Tell me about your mother Bella", he said suddenly, his voice held a note of desperation and I felt wet warmth against my cheek. Edward was crying.

I shook my head, though I did want to comfort Edward I couldn't bear to talk about my mother.

"Does it matter?" I said harshly, my hands curling into fists "she's dead now anyway". Edward curled his arms around my shoulders and squeezed them softly, in what I supposed was a hug.

"It matters Bella" Edward whispered "How did she die?"

I pressed my hands against Edward's chest and pushed him away from me "She shot herself", I turned from Edward and sat on the edge of my bed, leaving only my hands tangled in his.

Edward's hands suddenly tightened in mine and he rested his head on my shoulder, curling his legs around mine, my back to his chest.

"I wish my mother was dead" Edward suddenly whispered, his tone strong and urgent "I wish they could trade places".

"Why…." I began but suddenly Edward's lips were on mine, his hand tangling in my hair. Edward's lips were warm and soft and I was peeved by the knowledge that mine were chapped.

Edward slipped his tongue into my mouth and I eased into his kiss and touch, letting my hands grips his forearms.

But something was nagging at the back of my mind, something similar to bad timing, and not just because Edward had kissed me during a discussion about the deaths of our mothers'. This kiss was in the wrong time and wrong place in our lives, because I wasn't ready to love Edward and he wasn't ready to trust me.

I shoved against Edward's chest pulling his body from mine, our lips the last parts of us to separate. I rested my hands against Edward's chest. Panting for breath, my chest rose and fell in rhythm with his.

Edward smiled ruefully at me and when he had sufficiently caught his breath he spoke "It's not time for this yet, is it?" he gestured back and forth between us.

I shook my head gently and pulled Edward so we were lying again, facing each other. Slowly I pulled Edward's hand to mine and fused our hands together "someday" I whispered.

**Review Please!**

**I know it's short and the ending was better but my computer broke and deleted about four pages of writing, so I forgot the majority of it. I did my best though.**

**If you haven't seen Sweeney Todd or 9 you must. They are both fabulous movies which Tim Burton is involved in, he's my favourite director. **

**Flight of the Conchords are very possibly the funniest band ever, despite Bella's negativity I'm convinced you'll all love them if you haven't already heard of them. **

**Creeping Lovely are a fantastic band that you can sample on facebook and purchase their songs on Itunes. **

**Breaking Benjamin are another fantastic band but have quite a sad sound so be warned. **


	27. Forget Me Not

**Sorry this took so long. I started portfolio classes so all my time is taken up by art, oh and the new season of Gossip Girl. Chuck and Blair all the way people. **

**Big cuddly thank you to Haleyhoo, my fabulous beta. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Edward, Bella or any of the Twilight characters. Though I do own a very accurately drawn sketch of Kristen Stewart that my art teacher gave me an A- for, ;)**

**Bella Pov**

I had expected that things would be awkward between Edward and I at least for some time; but everything moved on as if the kiss had never happened.

But for some inexplicable reason that I was blaming on girl hormones Edward's nonchalance was pissing me off. I wanted for him to blush too when he looked at my lips, not that he did look at my lips.

My girl hormones were betraying me when it came to more than just Edward's lips. I found myself staring at his backside too, which wasn't something I had ever been much interested in before. Though Edward's jean clad backside was certainly not a bad sight.

I soon found though that Edward practically majored in ignoring the humongous pink elephant that seemed to be following us around. He was pretty good at pretending that the stuff that had happened between us and to him never happened.

I considered talking to him about it but I was a wimp and I couldn't see what difference talking would make.

So instead of obsessing over Edward and our nonexistent relationship, I concentrated on my recovery. I decided it was time to rid myself of my blades.

Edward came over on Monday to help and together we rooted out all the blades I had stuffed into corners and nooks. The whole thing was really more about symbolism than anything else, I could get more blades anywhere, but this was a sign to everyone that I was moving on.

There were even a few spots I'd forgotten about and we merely rediscovered by chance.

We were pretty much finished when I stood in the middle of my bedroom, my arms open staring around my room. It felt emptier somehow, though none of the blades or razors had been left out in the open anyway.

"I feel like I'm forgetting something" I said to Edward, who stood leaning against the door with his hands in his pockets. He shrugged "You sure you got them all from the bathroom?" I asked again. Edward rubbed his hand over his face and groaned, but went to check again anyway.

By the time we were definitely finished Edward's eyes were wide and his jaw was set. The sight of so many sharp objects he knew I'd used to hurt myself was pretty sickening I guess.

We left all the blades in the garage, Dad said he would be home in about an hour to get rid of them.

Edward suggested waffles, at _our_ place, and I agreed, though I wasn't sure if he was trying to cheer me up or if he was just hungry.

We stopped first and picked up a packet of fizzy liquorice at the K-Mart along with chocolate chips. Edward paid, though he regretted it later when I refused to give him any.

I tore apart the liquorice and smothered my syrup covered waffles in the little pieces which I then topped with a mountain of chocolate chips. Edward patiently watched me at work. The corner of his mouth was twitching, but he wisely chose not to say anything.

When I finally tore into my waffles Edward opted to speak.

"You want to talk about it?" he mumbled around a mouthful of food. I shook my head wordlessly but he just kept staring at me until I groaned and lay down my fork anyway.

His asking was Edward's way of being polite; he wasn't actually giving me a choice.

"I'm cool" I shrugged, but Edward wasn't buying it. He reached hesitantly across the table and grasped my right hand between both of his "We both know that's not true".

I quickly pulled my hand away, knocking my fork to the ground as I did. Not the smooth exit I had been hoping for.

I quickly folded myself under the rickety plastic table, I was hoping for a moments reprieve to collect my thoughts; but in typical Edward fashion he followed me.

"Bella" he hissed "why are you under the table?" I waved the fork before his nose, though he barely even acknowledged it "Why are you under the table?" I demanded.

Edward's hand shot out and gripped my wrist, twisting me so I faced him, the fork clattered to the ground again "because you keep avoiding conversation" he spat.

Despite our minimal conversation the enclosed space had reduced us both to panting, "What about the other day?" I suddenly whispered "don't act like you haven't been avoiding that conversation".

Edward dropped my hand and eyed me curiously "I thought we'd said everything that needed to be said" he murmured flatly.

The annoying thing about his reply was that as insufficient as it was, he was absolutely right. What more was there to say on the subject? We liked each other, but it wasn't the right time for us. What else was there? I could have sworn there was something else?

Edward was eyeing me warily before he crawled away abruptly. I followed him out from under the table, to see him slapping some cash onto the table, which wobbled precariously. "Let's go Bella; I have something I want to show you".

I took his hand again as he led me out, the fork lay forgotten on the floor beneath our table.

**-DB-**

Edward shoved a plain red copybook filled with his handwriting into my hands before flopping onto his leather chaise long. Schuyler Fisk sang in the background as I thumbed through the pages. I snorted with laughter as I saw with it was "A book of quotes" I howled "I'm rubbing off on you".

Edward grinned and threw his forearms over his eyes "Something like that. You can borrow it".

I sat gingerly on the floor beside Edward, my head resting against his outstretched legs. The book was filled with quotes about friendship.

"_Some friends play at friendship but a true friend sticks closer than one's nearest kin."_

"You wrote all these out, by hand?" I asked incredulously. Edward didn't answer.

"_In the midst of happiness, one may not appreciate what happiness is."_

Try as I might to be inspired, or at the very least amused, my heart wasn't in it. "Guess I'm just not in the quotation kinda mood" I muttered to Edward, before slipping the little notebook back into its place on the bookshelf.

Large hands landed on my waist and Edward dragged me back till I flopped down onto the bed beside him.

"What's with you today Bella" he grumbled, the heel of his hand partially covering his mouth as he pushed himself up by his elbow. "You're uncharacteristically morose".

I slowly pulled myself under the covers, cocooning myself in their warmth as I shook my head. Edward said something else, something encouraging I think, but I didn't hear.

I was already gone.

**-DB-**

When Edward dropped me home, Charlie was only just collecting the boxes from outback. I had a sudden irrational wish to stop him ad bring the whole lot of them back to my room.

Charlie actually looked a little tearful as he loaded the boxes into the back of the cruiser, I felt the same.

He suddenly spotted me sitting watching him on the porch, but didn't acknowledge me. He finished loading the boxes and started the cruiser, hoping to get off before I really did change my mind. I was surprised when he left the car running and came over to me to stand on the porch and stare out at the cruiser with me.

He wiped his brow carefully before placing one of his beaten hands on my shoulder. "Here" he drawled as he thrust a crinkled picture at me "You probably have a ton, but this was always my favourite".

It wasn't a picture I'd ever seen before. It was a picture of my mum in an oversized Red Soxs t-shirt and a pair of frayed cut off shorts as she batted at the camera. She had always liked to pretend she hated having her picture taken.

Charlie shuffled his feet from behind me.

She was frowning at the photographer, who I knew instinctively must have been Charlie, but the corners of her mouth were turned up in that secretive smile we'd often shared with one another and that I'd somehow thought was mine.

It struck me hard, the knowledge that once upon a time my parents had been in love.

"She'd be proud of you Bella" he murmured, jerking his head towards the cruiser.

And the feeling I'd been fighting all day hit me full force, as I remembered what it was I'd been forgetting.

Grief. I felt grief.

I had forgotten my mother.

**-DB-**

It should have been raining, to set the mood.

Beside me Edward squeezed my hand, on my other side my father stood stiffly.

He turned and trod away, he had mumbled something, a little choked. Edward remained beside me.

"He wasn't worth it" I yelled, my voice carrying over the rain. It wasn't raining.

Edward had no idea who I was talking about, but I kept talking anyway. "His hands were all over me, he's dragged me in there and suddenly they were…."

I felt his arm wrap around me but Edward was frozen and his jaw was locked.

"She knocked, banged on the door. It was open and she saw" I knelt beside my mother's tombstone. What was it doing in Forks? "I didn't see it in her hand, not until she pulled it, the trigger I mean".

Edward hands were clammy as he placed them on my cheeks "Bella"

My head bobbed up and our eyes met "Where'd she get it? We didn't own a gun. Was she planning it all along?"

I shook my head jerkily as Edward tugged at my hand, trying to get me to move back over to the car. "She closed the door. She was crying. She hated it when I saw her cry".

I reached out and traced the word mother engraved on the stone. I could see the body clearly in my body. She'd shot him clear on, in the head and he spattered everywhere. But I barely noticed, I was staring at the door waiting for my mother to dry her eyes and hug me.

"But then I heard it" I glanced back at Edward, his expression stoic. His shoes were shiny. What seventeen year old boy wears dress shoes? "The sound was muffled, she'd put it in her mouth and….."

Edward kneeled beside me and gently swept at my cheeks. I was crying. "You don't need to say anymore Bella" he whispered. He buried his head in my hair.

I seemed to sit there for ages longer before I found myself in the front seat of Edward's car. The cruiser was gone.

As Edward started the car I reached out and laid my right hand on his as it turned the key. "I have to know" I said, my voice stronger then usual. "Was it my fault? Was she mad at me?"

Edward swallowed harshly and allowed his hand to slip out from underneath mine. "She hated _him_ Bella" he whispered furiously "for what he was doing to you".

I turned that over in my mind several times as Edward drove. "But" I said, slumping in the comfy leather chairs "doesn't that mean that either way it was my fault".

**Review Please! Countdown to Halloween. Be sure to let me know what you're plans are. I'm living vicariously through you this year. Apparently I'm too old to 'trick or treat'.**

**Can't tell you when the next update will be but I noticed that this mid-term I haven't been getting any FF updates so I thought I'd treat you. **


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